My Daughters Poems

http://mydaughterspoems.blogspot.com/
I decided to make a blog just for her poems. I have added all that I have copied. There is one more I have scanned and copied, but couldn't type, and still can't. Even just re-reading her poems is moving to me. I suggest you start at the bottom and read up. She has a few more that I will try to round up and share. Please leave commits as you read the different poems. She loves to know how they effect people. Feel free to share them with others as they touch or speak to the hurting souls. They are meant to heal hurting hearts, including hers.

Grand Baby Pictures

I'm Searching for Love

Here I am standing in

a dark, cold closet.

I look high and low

and all around.

But, I know what I'm looking for

it is love.

Oh How I long

for someone to love me.

But, I do not know

what kind of love I want.

I am in

foster care.

I see lots of

couples and older parents

take interest in me.

My hopes

rise and fall

when they forget me.

I keep searching for love.

I look high and low

and all around.

I long to call

some one dad.

I long to call

some one mom.

I long to call

the people that love me family.

If I had a family

everything would be perfect!

If only!

I sob!

I long to cry and express my feelings

to some one.

If only.

I have so many feelings

that are so familiar!

I dream I am part of a family.

Oh I am so warm and happy there!

I dream I have a mom and dad

who love me.

I dream I have friends that don't betray me.

I dream I am wanted and loved so badly!

Finally I depart from my dream

I realize with dread and a broken heart

that I have no family!

I know it was just a dream.

Oh how unfair it is!

I see all the stuff I could have had!

I envy my friends.

I try to hide my tears and bad feelings.

I had given hope

for everything I wanted.

I look high and low

and all around.

I finally put

my tears and smiles deep in my heart.

I soon did not know how to

cry or smile.

I am still wondering

"Am I a bad kid? Will I ever be loved?"

I want to be loved so badly!

Will my dreams ever come true?

Will I find a family?

Will I ever be loved?

Oh please!

We need you more than ever!

Oh please help us kids!

Oh Please!

We would love to have a family!

We want to make you smile

or make you have a tinkle in your eye!

We would love you if you love us!

Oh Please!

We all want a family!

We want you!

I look high and low

and all around.

I search in the highest cloud

and the lowest leaf.

I look high and low

and all around.

Oh Please help me find it soon!

You can hear me whisper,

"Will my dreams come true?

Will I ever have a loving family?

Will someone ever love me?"

If you love me

you wouldn't care

what color I am.

If you love me

you would really care!

Hello! I'm still here.

I want to be loved!

You would love me

even if I was deformed.

Or if I was very thin.

I look high and low

and all around.

Now I really wonder

will my dreams about a loving family come true?

Because my hopes are fading.

Please!

By MNJ age 11

Note: Please pass this own. Because if it does not get to you it will to some one else.

This poem is true about how most kids feel!

Thanks!

Baby Has Arrived....

Son called about 10 last night. His son is here safe and sound. 7 lbs and I think 15 oz. Mommy and son are doing well. Thanks for all the prayers.

Baby on the Way...

I know old news, but the news is they are inducing NOW. Seems her protein levels are to high. So if every one would just keep her and this little baby in prayer. I will be baby sitting Thanks!

Instead of.....

Gathering wood with the rest of the family today I stayed home. They cut 2 rangers loads + of fire wood. DH let the kids take turns driving. I really didn't want to go. I decided to make up for not going.


Sarylynn bars cooking! These are oats, chocolate chips, all kinds of nuts and dried fruit, peanut butter and rapadura. They are really really yummy!

Friends gave us cookie mix for Christmas. I used it. They look good.











Think I will be forgiven for not cutting wood?

Canisters.............

I would love to see everyone canisters. I really think mine will win on being the most unique. They are also the most serviceable for us.


This is dried fruit, seeds, granola, beans... anything that can go in a glass container on the shelf. It would be better in the frig. but that isn't happening yet.












Raisins, dates and pineapple I had out using today.















Now on to the wheat,(2 kinds), oats and oil canisters! Usually the 5 gallons of coconut oil is in the outside stack. I had it in the house refilling my normal coconut oil canister...

Face it with my crowd a regular size canister would be empty all the time. I seldom make anything that doesn't take 6-10 cups of flour or oats :)








This is the coconut oil that sets on the cabinet, it is ONLY a gallon container. Along with my rapadura in the bag, corn starch, yeast (which should be in the frig. and isn't) and baking soda. Can you tell this is my baking corner?

Here is my years worth of wheat waiting to be used. Can you see why I want a walk in frig/freezer?

So now some one top this with their canisters being "different"!

Sunrise!

This morning the sunrise wasn't just beautiful toward the sun but looking west was awesome too!

East:















West:














More East.....
























One more West picture!

May your day be as beautiful as my sunrise was!

Finishing off my Christmas Eve.....

In Pictures!

Grand kids playing together!






























Big sister blanket! I told her this was because she is going to be a big sister! I guess she liked it since she told mommy and daddy about it as soon as she saw them.

Her new hat from her Great Aunt Roxie!
















Mommy and Daddy and a few grand kids at our "2nd annual Christmas Eve Dinner" last night.












Mmmmm Grand daddy's soup! so good!













S's first time to a Japanese Steak house. The chef decided to tease her.














DIL and Son....














More waiting for our food pictures. Can you tell I didn't have the camera?













Bored? or patiently waiting for food? More like excitedly waiting! They love the food here. in fact out of all the kids we took home 2 to go boxes and they weren't full!

Merry Christmas to Everyone!

May the New Year overflow with blessings from God!

Blankets

This is that rainbow blanket I made. Someone attached to it as soon as I showed it to him. He drags it around and carries it a lot more than any thing else like that.




















This is for my Grand Daughter. Her gift for getting a new baby brother in the next few weeks.




















This is for my grand son due anytime. I don't think it turned out as pretty as my mind said it would. It is flannel and doubled so it will be warm though.

Just Because I can.......

Grand Baby Pictures!! Enjoy :)

I was told to Blog!

So I will blog!

Lots of stuff going on. First prayers for my DIL that is due any day. She ended up in the ER last night. She hadn't been able to keep anything on her tummy since the night before. They gave her a couple of IV bags to re-hydrate her and some meds for her migraine that started after the tummy bug. DS said she was feeling no pain when he brought her home. She is really hoping to have this baby before the first. He son that lives with his dad in KS is here for the "event" and Christmas. She doesn't want him to miss it. That on top of just ready!

Our freezer is taking shape. It now has a freezer wall that separates the freezer from the frig part.

This is the few from the pantry door. The first room is the frig. The second picture is from the freezer. It gives you an idea of how big this is! Next step is working on the doors so that they work right. Then he has to get electricity back there. It is as far as possible from our main electrical box.

I wanted to share a picture of our tom cat. This is Rambo. Yes, he does live up to his name. As you can see he is a rather large cat. I don't know how much he weighs. My dh was tossing him out the other night and figured he was around 20-25 lbs. I know he is HEAVY. If he had a tail wonder how big he would look. I have "measured" him when he is on the floor using the 12 x 12 tile as my ruler. When he is stretched out he is almost 2 tile long. He can put his chin on the side of the bathtub without stretching.

We have lots of lambs now. They are all black and white or white. I don't think I have any totally black ones yet. I gave up keeping count.

I took my camera yesterday to feed since I knew

I had new babies. As they see me drive up here

they come.

As you can see some of the sheep and goats are more than willing to climb right in the ranger

with us for a bite of feed.

This is one of last years bottle babies. She doesn't know she is a goat. She would probably ride in here if I let her.

Here are my new babies. I am going to watch the smaller one to make sure the bigger one doesn't push it off to much and it doesn't get enough milk to grow well. If I think that is happening we will have a new bottle baby. I know that will break hearts around here.

We have been blessed with some awesome sun sets and sun rises. I seldom get sun rise pictures because the view from the house isn't that great. The view from the house at night is incredible! Here is one of the 10 or so pictures I snapped last night.

Tonight we plan on going in to town and looking at Christmas lights. It should be fun. I may try taking my camera and seeing if I can get some pictures. Tomorrow we are having my BIL and SIL for the day. Yea! We are going to keep it simple and just visit. I wouldn't be surprised if BIL doesn't have to get involved in freezer work. :) The weather should be beautiful! We (I) plan on someone grilling chicken on the grill. Our highs will be in the low 70s.

My son, DIL and grand son will be traveling tomorrow if their plans work out. They are heading to visit their grandparents then on the next day to AR to her parents for a few days. This is usually a slow time for the truck so they are using it to show of their son.

As usual when I start blogging I get caught up in it and then am late to the barn. I am off here to go see what surprises await me there. All be blessed!

LOL I hit post as I walked out the door. It didn't post so back from chores no surprises.

Finally Friday...

How do you like the new look? My DIL was busy changing her look and not to be out done God provided this sunset! I already had the camera in hand as I was taking pictures of grand son being a ham. I almost waited to long to get the pictures. It was beautiful though!

Yesterday's therapy and case worker meeting went great. Prayer is powerful. Case worker never mentioned "Are you sure you want to do this?" She also received her new name with a LOOK like a S! Yea! She even had to admit that this child has been transformed! She said she kept asking her if she was OK she was so quite and calm. :) God of course!

This morning was foggy! I love fog! I had such a wonderful drive in the fog checking stock. The fog had lifted a little so I could see pretty well. I love how the Bible talks about God coming down in a cloud.... cloud=fog. So this morning I praised Him as I sang quietly and enjoyed the blanket of fog that He had me wrapped in.

Plans for today? I think I am going to send 3 children to the garden to plant onions. S has school work to do. After they do the onions I hope S is done with school. I will send them all on a fire wood expedition. The onions are onions that we harvested in the summer that have decided they want to sprout. They will work well and make onions for next spring if I get them in the ground.

I plan on working on baby blankets. I found this really pretty fleece yesterday at Wal-mart. I really should stay out of the fabric dept. Then I found this other fleece that while not pretty was really LOUD and bright. Think the Norther lights in rainbow colors. I did get a back for the pretty fleece, but the other one I think I will just cut tassels and call it made. I also need to get my new grand baby's blanket made. Since he is due any day. It would be nice to have it ready when she delivers.

I am working hard on teaching kids to cook. I let S do cream of wheat yesterday. I did good at keeping my mouth shut until I saw her measuring that 1/2 CUP of salt out to add. It should have been a tea spoon. Today MN made cream of wheat. S was right there to make sure she did the salt right. :)

Since we are running low on beef I am having to be creative with chicken. I don't know what we will have today. I may do some pasta and chicken with curry sauce. That sounds good. I have never made curry sauce. I have some curry powder and we like it as long as I don't over do. Our beef is scheduled for late Jan. :( I am ready for him gone now. I do wonder and hope dh beats the beef with the freezer. If not I am going to have to juggle meat again since my ds has filled my freezer to the top with deer. Maybe that will be incentive to help dh get the freezer done.

Green stuff and other Wed. Ramblings....

I have found a way to get more green in my diet. I was adding chlorophyll to my first 34 oz mug of water each morning. It is good for you and I don't mind the taste in water. It is rather tough for me straight. I then got the idea of taking about 2 hand fulls of fresh spinach blending it in about 2-3 cups of water until it is liquid. I don't mind the flavor. It would come as a shock if you thought it was just ice water. I do add ice to it. I tried blending the ice too, but decided I like it better with cubes. It can't be all bad if my grand son discovers that is what is in my mug he shares even more than normal. I do warn mommy if he is sharing a lot no matter if it chlorophyll or spinach. I don't want her to be shocked at the diaper later. This gives me a couple of servings of green in an easy and on the go way to drink it. I also have learned to buy the packages of Spinach that are close out. If they still look good then I buy them at about .50 bring them home and toss the whole bag in the freezer. When I need/want a green drink I have it at hand no matter how long it has been since I shopped.

I am loving my MP3 player. What I like best is the external speaker. It is so fun to drop it in my pocket and my music level never changes no matter what room I go into. I do laugh at grand son trying to figure out why my pocket is making music. I am well pleased with the length of time the battery last. The only think I dislike is the software. Can you say junk? I would recommend the MP3 player to anyone. I would also advise them to just toss the software and use the Window's media player. It only took me about 4 hours of trial and error to figure out how to get pictures on my toy. This morning I downloaded a BUNCH of music. Many hours worth. It should be fun.

Does anyone else struggle with allowing their kids to fail so they can learn? Mine didn't manage their time yesterday well. They didn't start school until almost lunch. They played with the grand baby a LOT. They chattered like chipmunks at each other. They took a LONG time to fix and eat lunch. That meant getting it out of the frig. Putting it on a plate and warming it. I refused to engage. I just kept my mouth shut. Dad gets home after 7 pm and I have 3 with school work to do and no chores done. OOPS! So dad woke them when he got up this morning at 4:50. S wasn't in on the getting her school and chores done. She has learned to manage her time surprisingly well. She did how ever have to rise and shine LONG before me because we have a rule that they are to be dressed and downstairs by 8 AM. She didn't do that. I think she was awake and dressed. She just waited for mom to holler on the radio to appear about 8:15. The others were still snoozing. She had the privilege of reading or drawing or what ever this morning. The other three had the privilege of school and chores. MN is on a roll. She managed to take 6 HOURS to do the dishes she should have done yesterday. Dad's new rule is if school and chores aren't done then they will be getting up when he does. They also loose the privilege of playing. I am sure some one will have to test the rule.

I do find it so funny and wonderful that S has went from this very scatter brained can't focus child to a young lady that almost never doesn't finish her school and chores in a timely manor. Day before yesterday she did "test". She wanted to go with DIL to her house. I ask if school and chores were done. She assured me they were. I assured her I wanted to see the chore list. Then the back peddling started. She had "Kitchen" but couldn't do it since the dishes weren't done. "Humm... you can't sweep the floor? Wash the table and cabinets that don't have dishes off?" LOL next excuse was, "We always do the "kitchen" after the dishes are done." This was met with a round of "That's not true!" from the others on the chore list. :) Then she hopped up to get it done! DIL went home. S was assuring her she would be over in a bit. DIL knew better. Oh the pouting! Sometimes it is really hard to keep your face straight as you watch them pout. I called her name to point out what she didn't do. She was "reading" on the couch. She didn't hear me. Called it about 3 times. I am sure it was because I was using her "new" name. Finally I got to use the FULL name! "Oh were you talking to me?" LOL She pouted around for maybe an hour. Life went on. It wasn't that long until she was giving me a hug and a kiss. I hugged back and had to ask, "Over being mad?" She grinned and nodded. That in it's self is huge. She is just learning it is ok to admit you are/were mad at some one. I hugged her and reminded her it is OK to be mad and even admit it. We did talk about truth and how much easier it would have been to say, "Oh, give me 5 minutes and I will have them done!" Later she did get to go over.

She is more and more taking responsibility for her actions. Today she was trying to keep the dog from some milk while T was trying to give it to her. I had said it was OK. She was still telling the dog no etc. I called her hand on it. Why can't she have it. All kind of excuses that I blew out of the water. Finally danced her into a corner where she admitted she wanted to be in charge not T. :) I ask if that was fair to the dog giving mixed messages? That was the extent of the discussion.

Our cold is going away for a little while. We are going to be in the 60s today, then 70s until Sunday. Sunday again will be cold. The high on Sat. is mid 70s and then mid 40s for the high on Sunday. That will be COLD. I hope we can get more wood under the carport before then. I really wish there was some moisture coming in with the cold fronts. We are very scary dry. Please pray that we start getting some rain soon.

We will again see S's case worker tomorrow at therapy. She emailed me this morning and ask if we would be in town. :) I really don't mind. I wonder what she will think of S instead of J. My guess is she won't like it. I don't really understand why case workers don't like name changes, yet most adoption "experts" say name them and claim them or like with S let her start fresh without the baggage associated with the old name. S gets very frustrated with this worker and her asking over and over if she "sure" this is what she wants. I really thought S was exaggerating until last month. I just happened to be near enough to the room they were talking in to here it. She really is that negative about it. I can see asking if she is happy? If she feels this placement is working etc. But her wording is negative instead of positive. Oh well S handled it very well last month. This month Jan. and then we will be done with her in Feb. Not that anyone is counting the months!

I'm not sure what our weekend plans are. We would like to go to the flea market, if it is warm and the wind isn't blowing terribly. I think it will be warm, but am betting that the wind will be terrible. Dh wants to work on the freezer some. He is trying to put the wall in between the freezer and frig. We need to cut and or gather some fire wood.

Guess that is about all I can come up with to ramble on today. Everyone have a blessed day and leave a commit so I know I am not talking to myself.

Tuesday....

This morning I got an early morning blessing. My son and DIL decided to go hunting. That means I got to spend my early morning with my grand son. He was in such a sweet mood this morning. He sat with me while I read on the Internet for a long time. He would sway to the music on my new MP3 player and we would talk about the calculator he was using as a phone. Then off he would go! I had lights all cut off except in the room where I was. That kept him "contained" He would play a minute then come crawl back in my lap to sway to the music and jabber. It was one of the very few times that he and I had time alone. Usually there are other kids up and trying to get his attention.

Yesterday I hit pay dirt with the mail. My MP3 player came and my CHL. I have only been waiting since June for my CHL. I had to send my fingerprints back again once. Yesterday, my DIL ask if I had heard anything. Then last night DH brought it home in the mail :)

I am having a lot of fun with my MP3 player. I really like the external speaker. We can all enjoy it. It took me HOURS to figure out how to get music on it. I don't have much yet. I will load more today. Today I will try and put some of my favorite pictures on there too. Oh the fun of new technology.

We are expected to have a heat way today.... maybe 45! By Saturday they are saying 70s. Sunday they say 40s again. I hope to restock our wood supply while the sun is shinning toward the end of the week. For today hiding inside sounds much nicer. A perfect day to play with my MP3 right?

Monday

It was 24 this morning when I went out to start chores. Have I mentioned how bad I don't like cold? I did break out the coveralls. My ranger ride was brisk to say the least. Days like this make me very thankful I have a milking machine. I just wash the udder and allow the machine to milk. I get to dry my hands! My little lamb and goat are doing great. Even with the cold. I also didn't find any problems with my sheep today. I do try to pay special attention as I zoom around the pasture when it is cold. I haven't decided if going fast in the ranger and being colder is better or going slow and not having as much windchill, but being cold longer is the way to go. I usually do a mixture of the two.


This morning I grated my collection of zote soap. I try to buy a few bars any
time I find them then when I need laundry soap grate them all. Grating and

cleaning up the grating mess takes longer than finishing making 5 gallons of
laundry soap. I will share with anyone that wants to trade a grated bar for an ungrated as long as I have zote when I get ready to make soap. I still think it is
a great deal. 5 gallons of laundry soap
cost less than $5 to make. A LOT less! It is lasting about 3 months at our house. I grated for my DIL and I both this morning. She had three bars and I had about 8 when I got finished digging them out from where they had gotten put in the pantry. We are now set for making laundry soap now for a long time. I did add a little more borax to mine this time. Our water is hard and our water softener isn't working so it is extremely hard. I hope adding more borax will improve that issue.

This afternoon some one here has to go get feed. I announced early that who ever finished school could go. I don't see anyone getting extremely busy. I had planned to leave them here with my DIL and go myself. She thought going for a drive would be nice. So she may do that and all the non finished school kids will be staying. I am guessing she will take her son. He is most welcome to stay here and play but.....

I did make her promise she would stop by the mail box and see if I have a package. The USPS said that they have delivered my MP3 player. I can hardly wait! I then get to learn how to transfer CD's to MP3 format. Oh the joys of upgrading.

I guess since sacks didn't get sacked this morning when I ask them to I better go sack them to return for more feed. The sacks cost .50 each to buy, but they will give you that much back each time you return them.

Everyone have a blessed day!

Bark Bark, Hack, Hack Hack...

That was our night around here. MN was the worst. Usually the homemade cough med. works for her. It did the night before. Not last night. About 10:30 we resorted to Musinex. It took about an hour to kick in and knock her coughing down from every 30 seconds to a few minutes in between. She was also sleeping in the recliner. She stayed there until about 4 when she went back to her bed. Bad choice! laying down seemed to bring out the worst in it. She got up and took a hot bath that helped some. I had at least one other hacker up stairs last night. They weren't bad enough to come down. Today I have a headache. I think mine is from the dust blowing for 24 hours already, with the wind again to be 20+ mph with gust over that. All that said we will stay home today. I don't want to share our hacking with any other families.

God is go good, the wind stopped for me to do my chores outside. I had one new lamb. The baby lamb in the barn is almost back to normal this morning. The swelling in his head is gone down a lot. He is such a eater. He took a whole baby bottle plus about 1/2 another one. The little goat out there is not a week old and has graduated up to a full coke bottle twice a day.

I had planned on making something with chicken for Church. I tossed it in the crock pot a few minutes ago. I hope it turns out good. It doesn't have to be ready until supper now.

I am off to win the war of my headache. All have a very blessed day!

Windy Saturday!

Last night was our yearly Christmas party for my DH store. I look fwd to it all year long.........NOT! Since I am trying to find the good in things. The good thing about the Christmas party is DH and I got to drive into town and home childless. It is nice to have a talk without someone going, "What did you say?" We also manged to find my DIL's birthday present and my DD's late one. Her birthday was last weekend, but ..... :) Other than that we made a fast run through Sams and got my list .... plus a few of course. After the part we made a run through Wal-mart and finished off the list plus several of those "Oh yea..." items.

Big kids kept little kids. They made pizza and watched part of "The Sound of Music." I would bet they had a lot more fun than I did!

As to other stuff happening around here.

Life is never dull. My son called me Tue.

or Wed. night to come to the hwy to

pick up a baby goat. Some one had left

it in the pens and it would just die so......

She is doing great. She was lonely until this morning. I fixed that.

This morning I found a lamb all alone.

Now a lamb alone isn't normal. This one still had a wet umbilical cord. He wasn't far from the heard so I just stopped and waited the sheep all came to me, but no one wanted to claim him. I fed the sheep and when and claimed him. As you can see in this picture his head is funny. It is swollen. That means he was a hard birth, probably spent time hung up in the birth canal. I did finally figure out which ewe was mama. She was a first time mama and I'm sure when she finally got rid of that pain she got up and took off, never looking back! He is doing good. His head is so swollen I was afraid he wouldn't be able to nurse, but he proved that wrong!

I came up with a sewing idea for my kids. They need practice on basic sewing stuff. I saw these baby books at Wal-Mart. They are in the fabric section and you just cut sew and have a book for babies to eat...er play with. These are the perfect sewing projects. I thought I had the pellon at home, but don't so they can't finish them yet. Two of the kids jumped on the idea.

T did a great job cutting hers out. MJ did a good job except he let his scissors get into one of the panels. I will have to figure out how to repair it where he can use it.

I wish I could get a picture of wind. It just doesn't show up. Today it is terrible. The wind howls the dust blows, yet

catching it on camera is almost

impossible for me. So I did the next

best thing. I caught a barn full of fowl

on camera. They only hide out in the

barn when the wind is terrible. It is

hard to strut your stuff if you are a

peacock when the wind is blowing

30 mph. So they find less windy places

... like my barn!

Now for some more news..........

Meet Sarah Racheal-Marie!