Feelings

Feelings, we take them for granted.  We think we should feel happy and when we don’t there is something wrong.  Happy is our feel good feeling.  It is the base feeling most of us gage all other feelings from.   What would happen if someone came into your life and told you that your basic feeling is wrong?  What you thought was ‘normal’ was instead warped and not normal?  

You are 9 years old and rage is the only consistent feeling you know.   Your whole world revolved around anger.   Your normal feeling was anger.   You don’t know what joy and happiness feel like other than fleeting strange feelings that were scary and different.   Therefore when you find yourself feeling happy or joyful you acted out to get in trouble so you could again be mad.   Can you imagine living your life in a state of anger and thinking this is normal?  

A life change, the child is moved into a new home.  Basic needs like food and toys and comfort are now met.  You would think he would be happy and life would good right?   Wrong!   This isn’t normal. This is scary!   So instead of being “happy” the child sets out to remake his world in the new home.   He does things to make everyone angry.  He disobeys.  He pushes buttons.  He yells and screams his rage at rules and consequences.   Toys?  He breaks them.  A toy is good for less than 5 minutes in his hands before it is broke.  He wanted others to feel the same as he does, angry.   He is an expert at pushing all the right buttons to obtain lift off in everyone around him.  This brings him great pleasure.  This is his goal in life.  His “joy” comes from having everyone around him as miserable as he is inside. 

Time rocks on.  His new family refuses to stay mad.  They hold him accountable and offered consequences and ideas to change and most of all continue to offer him joy.  He still was afraid to reach for it.   He sees other emotions.  He experiences other emotions, and they aren’t as scary.  He keeps watching the different feeling that others have.  He tests the water and runs back to anger.  Each time he test the water he stays a bit longer.   He samples joy and finds it doesn’t taste too bad.  He forgets to be angry.   When he discovers he isn’t feeling anger he is puzzled.  He processes feeling different.  He doesn’t understand why he isn’t mad.  He puzzles over it. Sometimes he even voices his puzzlement.  Time rocks on and he has fewer and fewer angry outburst.  He doesn’t even notice he isn’t always angry.  He is finding new feelings that aren’t scary any more.  They feel good.  As he changes he comes face to face with issues and feelings that he has to address.  

When you know in your heart you are not wanted it is a breeding ground for anger and sadness.  You know you aren’t wanted because your birth parents gave  you up.  Your adoptive parents didn’t want you either.  Mom died, dad returned you to CPS like an unwanted item.   This is fertile ground for the growing of seeds of resentment, anger, low self-esteem and other negative emotions.   You are only 9 years old and you know that you aren’t lovable.  

Then one day you and your new mom are swinging in the swing and discussion why you have so much anger.   First person to blame is the new mom.  This mom doesn’t accept the blame, but instead points out how angry the child was when he came to live with her.   He then blames the foster family.  Again his mom isn’t buying that as she points out to him he was mad when he moved into his foster family’s home.   More swinging takes place as he thinks about why he is mad. 

Finally he puts into words his deep seated most painful truth.  He is angry because his adoptive dad didn’t want him.   He feels rejected, worthless and unlovable.   Still more swinging and talking about how he was given away instead of nurtured and loved.   As he discusses his pain he says his dad couldn’t take care of him.   Mom stops him with those words and ask him which is it?   Did adoptive dad not want him or was adoptive dad unable to care for him?  She explains they don’t mean the same thing.  She talks about how not wanting is just getting rid of and not ever trying to take care of him, yet not being able involves him living with adoptive dad after mom died and dad trying to work, deal with health issues and deal with small child.   More swinging happens.  I light bulb goes on.  Adoptive dad DID try to take care of him.  He tried working and taking care of him.  He had already had a heart attack so he had some serious health concerns.   He came to understand that it adoptive dad tried very hard to take care of him, but couldn’t.  

This was a freeing concept.  He was wanted.  He was loved.  He wasn’t rejected.  He tilled up his anger garden.  He still didn’t understand why he wasn’t angry all the time.  He just knew in his heart he wasn’t.  He had room now for other emotions, the emotions he had been afraid to feel.  Love, joy, peace and happiness where now taking root where anger and resentment had been.  He still has to work at not allowing those seeds back in his heart garden, but it is much easier now to control the rage and temper tantrums that use to overwhelm him like a might ocean wave many times a day.   He still slips some days and rages, but less often and less long.  He is learning to ride the wave and come out on the other side stronger.    He is 9 years old and has his whole life ahead of him.  A life filled with joy and peace and hope.  He now has a life of love and forgiveness and understanding of pain in others that will grow into compassion as he grows. 

Weekend fun

We did it, we went and traded our RV in on a new and improved modle.  Same builder, Keystone, but instead of an Outback we now have a  Bullet Premier 31bhpr.

Once we had the camper we needed a place to check it out.  We found a wonderful campground near Georgetown, Rio Bonito.  This a fairly new park, they don't have restrooms yet  or showers, but for RV's it is super.  It is clean, and well kept.  They are on the North San Gaberial River, which should have lots of water and be oh so much fun to play in.  As it was they had to settle for puddles and ponds, but they managed to have fun. 

 

This morning I walked the river bed.  It was sad in it should have had water.  It did have beautiful rocks and trees and sunrise. 

Catch Up Time

Life is busy!  Life is Good!   Life is Crazy!   That pretty well sums up my world.  I can't seem to find time or really the words to describe the fun things that are going on in my life.  

MN and I left Thursday about noon to go spend three days in Odessa at a School of Supernatural Ministry conference.  We went to hear Kevin Dedmon speak.  Both of us have read his books and loved them.   Our favorite book he has written is Ultimate Treasure Hunt .

I really learned a lot about as he put it, "Crossing the Chicken Line" in ministry.   One of the fun things we did twice was go on a treasure hunt.   This isn't a treasure hunt like you have ever been on before.  It is a hunt for God's treasures.   As individuals you fill out a paper listing 6 locations, descriptions, prayer needs, names, and unusually things.   Then 3-6 of you come together as a group and compare notes.   You decided where the clues are sending you.   Then you are off!   Once you get where you are going you start looking for a person that fits the clues on the treasure maps.   Then comes chicken line time.  You approach the person and introduce yourself and explain you are on a treasure hunt and you think they are the treasure.  You explain they are God's treasure and He is thinking about them.  You ask if you can pray for them.   You just love on them for a few minutes or how ever long you are led.  Then off to find more treasure.  It is a LOT of fun!   It is scary but each time you approach someone it is less scary. 

What we all found most interesting is how willing people are to be prayed for.  How hungry they are for a God encounter.   I think in the two treasure hunts I went on we had about 15 encounters.  Of those 15 there were one or two that didn't want us to pray for them.  It was amazing to watch the glow come on them as you shared that God loves them. 

One encounter we had was with a young mom that had a sleeping baby in a stroller.  She was my first chicken line.   She really looked like she would bolt before I explained that all I wanted from her was a few minutes to share that God loves her and we wanted to pray for her prayer needs.  She ask for prayer for her little one. That he would stop coughing and sleep.   We prayed for them and prayed a blessing over the family.   This was early in the walk through the mall.   On the way out she and her friend stopped us to tell us the baby who was awake and happy hadn't coughed since he woke up.   :)  

Another encounter was with a girl about 12 on crutches and in a cast.   We explained to mom that we thought her dd was our treasure and ask if we could pray for her ankle which was broke.  Mom and dd were very OK with it.   As Heather put her hands around the cast she later said it felt cool.  She did a quick prayer then ask the girl how it felt. She said it felt cool.   After more questioning she said cool like when you are sweaty and a cool breeze blows across it.  Heather ask if it hurt. She said it only hurt if she put weight on it.  Heather ask mom if she could test it out.  Mom is crying and agrees for the girl to stand up.   As she gently tested it she said it didn't hurt.   So she tested it with more weight.   It still didn't hurt.  The girl had a look of amazement on her face as mom shed lots of tears.   Heather suggested mom take her back to the Dr and get them to check it out and get the cast off before school started.   :)  

I really could go on with what all we did and saw for hours on here.  Just so many people touched by God's hand both in and out of the classes.   This was a very hands on teaching where they had all of us prophesying over each other and praying over each other.  

The first night we were to give a word of knowledge to someone else.  I grabbed the first person I saw that I didn't know and stepped over the chicken line and gave her an uplifting word.  I made her cry!   I just told her that I saw her full of joy and the joy spreading to those that came in contact with her.   She went back to her seat and wrote it down.   She shared it with several people over the rest of the weekend.  It really touched her and blessed her.  WOW!    I was amazed.  

Later when we were giving words of knowledge, we had to use them describing a vegetable.  I was described as a potato.   That most people aren't aware of what all I do for the Kingdom, that I am growing fruit under the ground that won't be seen by most until the harvest.  She also said she saw me doing something on the Internet.  :)   I was amazed.  

OK I will stop here as I could share and share and share.   Bottom line is God says, "freely it was given, freely give it away."   So I want to teach those around here how to do treasure hunts.  Anyone want to learn?  

After the wonderful 3 days in Odessa then we shared what we had experienced with Church on Sunday.  We were still flying high!   We have plans to do a treasure hunt tomorrow with friends from church if it works out for them.   If not the kids and I will do one.



Tuesday was catch up day from not doing anything on Monday that I usually do.   So today laundry is folded and even put away :)   Life is back to normal... well sorta.

I am feeling lost with two kids gone on trek.   I am missing my 14 and 12 yo boys.   They left yesterday morning for 5 days in the Pecos Wilderness of NM.   Today they start hiking!   It should be a lot of fun and a lot of growing for them.  MJ did it last year.  This is D12's first experience like this.  I am just awed by God in how much D12 had grown and overcome his fears.   He was so afraid of everything and now he is going hiking and camping without us.   :)  

Life is good and busy here! 

Finished!!!!

I clipped and clipped and clipped  then I clipped some more.  Once that was done I washed it.  Then I dried it.  I set the timer for every 15 minutes.   The lint filter was FULL to overflowing the first 4 times I checked it.  By the 6th time there wasn't a lot in the filter, and the quilt was dry.  I figure this is good enough for this round.

Loved the tag on this pocket.

Binding and flannel side picture.

Close up of the clipped area, it is sorta blurry

 Not as close, but you can still see the frazzle

 Kid no GRAND kid tested and approved.

Quilt Top

 I finished my quilt top this afternoon!   I was really worried about how it would fit.  It seemed narrow, but when I spread it on the bed I had a square off each side so perfect!!!   It is VERY heavy.   I still have to bind the edges.  I am going to get some more flannel and cut it into strips to make the binding.  

 Here is a picture of the top side and the underside.  I really like the underside.   It looks like a 'normal' quilt.  

Once I have it bound then the snipping begins.  That should be a long process.  They recommend that you get scissors that spring back open to help your hands not wear out as fast.

Here is just a random picture of MN that I really liked.