Sunday, November 10, 2013

Kids and growth

I decided to copy two of my fb post here and add two more post above them.  That way I have them where I can find them down the road if I want/need to be reminded of progress.  
Today, (Sunday) 17 yo had been assigned church food.  I use for my chore chart.  It helps mom not be the bad guy.  She decided to do the chili she made earlier in the week.  It was really good.   Last night when we got home from grandson's bithday party she sit about getting stuff done ahead of time for cooking today.  This is WITHOUT being told!!!  She even enlisted the help of bugboy.   He helped her peel sweet potatoes and chop them up.  They put a pot of beans on to cook in the crock pot over night.  She ask questions along, but for the most part she was very much in charge of what she was doing. 
Her plan was to get up at 5 and finish.  Her alarm didn't go off, she miss set it or something, not sure.  She got up about 6:30.  No biggy, I knew she had time.  She set right to work getting everything cooked and added.  Again she ask a few questions but very few and they were good questions.   I helped her out on adding a bit more water to it but that was the extent of what I did.  She also got potatoes on to boil to make mash potatoes to go with it.  This is all without mom saying anything.   So now at 9AM she has a huge pot of chili cooked, and just needs to mash potatoes to be done with church food.   Chili smells awesome!!!
I have been working to create in kids especially new ones a spirit of thanksgiving not I deserve.   It seems foster kids don't know how to say thank you for any nice thing done to them or for them.   Since Bugboy has to have store bought milk I buy it for him every week.  Never a, "Thanks mom!" but just the give me attitude.  One week we didn't go by WM and I didn't get on Thur. he was really not happy. I bought on Sat. but again no thank you.  So I said, in his hearing it might be a while before I bought any more because he couldn't say thank you when I made a special effort for him.   It was interesting to watch the wheels turning in his head.  I did skip buying the next Thur.  I bought on Sat. and amazingly he remembered to say Thank You. 
It is something that we all have to work on I know.  It is just even more evident in these two.  I know we had the same thing with the others.  It is a process, but if you don't start it then it doesn't come into completion.   Much the same way 17 yo came to realize that saying thank you or noticing when someone does something nice for you makes people more willing to do for you and help you.  I see a lot of growth in this area with her.  She has now started noticing and thanking people when they help her or do nice for her.   After the milk incident Bugboy has not missed a chance to thank me for his milk.  :)   I see him following others thank you with his own either about supper or a treat. 
Here are my earlier face book post:
Growth! Tuesday I gave my 17 yo a recipe to make for supper and told her to double it. This would have been inpossible 6 months ago. While she wasn't able to add the fractions and reduce she could add them and did know that 3/3 was 1 whole. She also was able to figure out what a sweet potato was and get them peeled and chopped up. Beans are cooking. She is adding water along as needed. Mea...t is browning, onion chopped and added along with green chilies. While at 17 these may seem simple to many, she had never even used a stove until a year ago. She came with a late 2nd or maybe early 3rd grade reading ability and math wasn't even that high. So for her to add the fractions, and read the recipe with very little help is HUGE!!!!

Wednesday  bug boy started a letter to his case worker. I borrowed it and copied it before he got up this morning to share. It touched my heart. To really understand why it touched me you have to know it has been a rough week. His world has gotten very small. He lost playing outside without big kids to watch him. He lost playing in the school room. He basicly is where mom is. Yesterday he even lost most of his toys that he had been playing with in here for being to rough. He had been coloring but when I went to print him another coloring page he wasn't happy with the choices so I suggested he draw his own. He was mad over that. Then decided to write his cw. I copied this just like he wrote it.

"to the lovely miss Ronda: hey miss Ronda I want you to come sometime. how are you doing and how are your dogs. and I miss you and I have a surprise for you when you come. and I Love this house thank you for putting me here."

Not being in control makes them feel safe, even as they chalange you for that control over and over and over and over and............... If you had ask me if he liked it here most of the time I would say no because he is in trouble, his world gets smaller and smaller. I try hard to be fair with him, at the same time everything is a chalange and test. It is a tough season for both of us as he learns I really do follow through EVERY time and I do mean what I say and will back it up. Yes, I go to bed early and exhausted most nights.

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