Friday, October 29, 2010
Thoughts? Commits? All I ask is don't judge an adoptive family until you have walked a mile in their shoes. May of them have issues that most people wouldn't even believe if you tried to tell them.
It was interesting this week as our family dynamics changed. MJ has started working part of the time helping older brothers. I think this is wonderful! He loves it. What happens is he is gone a lot. He worked Monday. Tuesday he got up early to work on school so he could go again. He left here about 7:30 with his brother. He came home from working Tuesday, last night (Thursday) about 9:15. So we were short MJ on Tue, Wed, and Thursday. By Thursday I had children walking around whining "I miss my MJy" It was funny. D11 was one of the loudest whiners. MN knew he was coming home last night and wouldn't go to bed until he got here so she could see him. Thursday in town it felt strange. I had 4 of mine plus grandson and kept looking around because I was "short".
I think he was more than a little tired last night. I didn't get much conversation out of him. No one had to suggest he shower. He came in turn the hot water heater down, dodged being mobbed by siblings that missed him and headed for the shower. He came down and said goodnight. Not only did they do the normal Tue. night run which got them sleeping about midnight and up again about 5. He got a free trip to New Mexico that afternoon. So he not only got to work he got to see the world. J who needs the army to see the world when you have brothers that have a trucking company. Since it wasn't planned that he would be gone so long he didn't take extra clothes. He is my "Mr. Clean". I did get some serious chuckles in at thinking how dirty he was getting. Did I mention he was riding/working in a bull rig? A bull rig for those that don't know the term is a livestock hauler. He was helping haul sheep and goats. These trailers have 4 decks, meaning they have 4 floors. There isn't enough room for a grown person to stand up in the sheep and goat decks, cows there is only 3 and you can stand up. You have to either crawl or walk very bent over to go in and push the stock out. It is a dirty job! The "flooring" leaks from above besides the stuff on the floor of the deck you are crawling in. See why he was so ready for a shower!
What I found so interesting is how our "adopted" family all were missing MJ so much. Both Ds kept talking about it along with MJ's bio siblings. There was no difference after 10 months of being "family" in who was missing MJ the most. I really think it was a tie between one adopted and bio sibling. Being a family really has nothing to do with "blood" and a lot to do with what you make of it. Isn't it cool we can all be family as we are adopted into the family of Christ and are adopted brothers and sisters of Jesus?
Ephesians 1:4-6 Just think, we have the same inheritance that Jesus does in the Kingdom. I think we miss the boat way too often. We put importance in the wrong things of life. We worry about "blood" instead of being thankful for THE Blood of Christ and how that allows us to draw near to God.
Just morning ramblings as I start my day. Hope everyone will spend some time today considering what is really important in life.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
As I was taking tail pictures Grand son offered to help show the cats tail off. :) They were two cute not to show off.
Monday, October 25, 2010
This is called ODD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder
Symptoms of ODD may include:Throwing repeated temper tantrumsExcessively arguing with adults
Actively refusing to comply with requests and rulesDeliberately trying to annoy or upset others, or being easily annoyed by othersBlaming others for your mistakesHaving frequent outbursts of anger and resentmentBeing spiteful and seeking revengeSwearing or using obscene languageSaying mean and hateful things when upsetIn addition, many children with ODD are moody, easily frustrated, and have a low self-esteem. They also may abuse drugs and alcohol.
As you think about dealing with these you will see many of them look much like what is known as the terrible 2s. Much of his actions seem to be emotionally that age. Think about how you would handle an 8 yo who did all of these things not when they were tired but 1-50 times a day.
As you consider ODD and how it looks let me add another layer to it. It is called Attachment Disorder, and ALL children coming out of the foster care system have it to some degree. Here are the signs of it.
Signs and Symptoms of Attachment ProblemsWould anyone like to guess how many of these D8 has in spades? ALL but the last 2!!! The next to last one he may have, he gets to rough with the kittens but I don't see it to bad, more as not knowing how to play. The blood, gore and even death isn't a big deal. Maybe a little more than most boys but not to preoccupied.
A child who exhibits several of the following signs and symptoms should be evaluated by a licensed therapist:
Superficially engaging and charming
Lack of eye contact
Indiscriminately affectionate with strangers
Lack of ability to give and receive affection on parents' terms – not cuddly
Inappropriately demanding and clingy
Persistent nonsense questions and incessant chatter
Poor peer relationships
Extreme control problems—may attempt to control openly or in sneaky ways
Difficulty learning from mistakes
Learning problems—disabilities, delays
Poor impulse control
Abnormal speech patterns
Abnormal eating patterns
Chronic "crazy" lying
Destructive to self, others, property
Cruel to animals
Preoccupied with fire, blood, and gore
Next time you see/deal with a child that has never met a stranger. That hugs and hangs on strangers and ignores mom and dad don't feel flattered they "like" you. They are playing a mind game. They will also tell you how mean and abusive mom and dad are. How they don't get to have any fun. Remember the "Chronic "crazy" lying"? You just got a dose of it. When you are flattered and allow this child to hang on you, hug you and otherwise treat you better than they are treating the parents you are not "befriending" the child but hurting the child and his parents and the parents attempt to teach this child to attach.
The good news is with consistency and no middle ground these children can usually heal. What the world sees as grace these children see as weakness. The floor is a good example of these battles. If I had allowed him to go to the bathroom, which he didn't need to do he would have gained "power". In his eyes I would have just proved to him how much smarter he was than I am. I would have confirmed his mindset of why should he trust me, I am not smart enough to control him. If I can't control him, how can I keep him safe. Once he saw I really was standing firm, yet not battling him, or being upset by his choices then he willing and even joyful finishing his chore and starting school.
School became the next battle ground. He made a 25 on a history quiz. Funny he is quite capable of passing these subjects, or at the very least coming close. He did this the other day and mom was slow at catching on. I re-did three times before I told him if he failed it he would be setting the rest of the day. He failed it! Next morning he made an A on it the first try. Power struggles are part of my day. Some days we have few, some days, like to day every breath is a power struggle. I am learning, (after 6 adopted kids), to short circuit them as much as possible. Today D8 will spend his day on the stool in the living room. He will watch the day go by. IF he wants to converse about life then he is more than welcome to talk with us. If he wants to play games he may sit and just watch and think about his choices. We do lots of talking during the day about why what ever child is sitting and what they could have done instead of the choices they made. This is something we talk about to help them come up with ideas on ways to deal with life and make good choices.
This link has lots of information on attachment and how important it is.
I just ask those of you that know people struggling with ODD and Attachment issues to prayerfully seek God and see if you are helping or hurting with your words and actions. I know until I walked the attachment walk I hurt others in words and actions as I thought "befriending" these children was helpful. It is harmful! It feeds their power and their understanding that their parents aren't in charge.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Daughter in love figured out why I am so willing to make this for birthdays. It is quick and simple and yummy! Not counting pretty!
Recipe is as follows, but remember we are making grandmothers cobbler pan full, which is a bit larger than a 9x13 rectangle pan.
Graham cracker crust squished into pan.
In a large mixing bowl mix 2 packages very soft cream cheese with about 4-5 cups of milk. Once the cream cheese is mixed well add two large packages of instant pudding mix. I like vanilla or lemon and vanilla (one each). Mix the pudding mix into the cream cheese mixture and pour it in your pan. Chill! Once chilled top with two cans of cherry pie filling. You are done! If your pie filling is in the frig it is much better.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
He was one of a zoo of kids having fun today. We had kids ages, 5 weeks,1, almost 2, 3, almost 5, 7, 8, 9, 11, 13 and 14 here this evening. Did I mention the mud? People quickly come to understand why I have no carpet once they are out here after a rain. Tonight my floors have a thick coating of dust. It came in as mud but quickly dried and was crushed into dust by the high level of traffic.
We BBQ ribs and link sausage. The ribs were great! The sausage was OK I guess. I ended up with pork and it was to greasy and just wasn't great.
Hope every one is having a blessed weekend. We are!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
It was a great day! She decided she might as well find her happy pants as she couldn't stay mad at everyone!
Friday, October 8, 2010
I think of Daniel as being this handsome young man. A year are so ago I heard a teaching he was a eunuch. I was like do what? So off I went to read carefully and yep he was. So there went my picture of this handsome hunk of a young man. Then I heard a teaching yesterday that took me even further. Again I have this picture, I know from children's Bible stories of the handsome young Daniel being tossed in the lions den. This teaching said Daniel was an old man when he was tossed to the lions. I never connected the time line of this. I never stopped and thought about how long he was in Babylon. He served more than one King. According to one verion he lived to be about 77 years old. He was well into his 70s when he was offered as lion food. So it rocks my vision of Daniel in the lions den when I think of this 70 year old Eunice instead of this handsome young man.
Ezekiel 47 talks about a river that leaves the sanctuary. What I dots I didn't connect until I heard it read yesterday and went back and read it for myself is that this river wasn't being measured in the same place, but further and further from the sanctuary. The further it goes from the sanctuary the larger and deeper it becomes. I realize we are to be that river. We are to leave our comfort zone and go into the world and share about Jesus and as we share we bring others into the river. The river becomes more and more the further we are from where it starts. Where we go we bring healing and life. I know I need the Lord to help me take this knowledge into my world. Into my daily life. I do want to be this River. I just struggle with getting my feet wet, much less becoming a river that can't be crossed it is so deep.
I have so often said I want to reflect God, but that isn't what His word says, It says shine forth
Matthew 13:43 Then the righteous will shine forth as the sun in the kingdom of their Father. He who has ears to hear, let him hear!As I think of what a reflection is I realize that to be a reflection is to be backwards. Instead I want to be like the Lord and I must shine forth with His Holy Spirit shining from me not reflecting off of me.
Hope this encourages someone else to dig deeper and think harder about what God's Word is speaking to them. Be blessed!
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Cut chicken in strips.
Soak in a mixture of milk, honey, (very little like a table spoon), and Tabasco sauce. Said to soak it 10 minutes. I tossed in some black pepper.
Next add seasoning of your choice. I added spicy stuff, like chili powder and garlic to corn meal. It called for corn flakes but..... I never have that. I dropped pieces in the "shake and bake" zip lock and shook.
I planned on cooking them in the oven on a greased cookie sheet, but my oven knob broke off as I planned to turn it on. So I used the grill on top of the stove and covered it.
The review was it is better than chicken nuggets!
I'm not sure what the honey does, if it makes it cling better or what. I know they weren't spice. The last batch to cook I added cyanne powder to them trying to get some zing. Still needed more.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
How true is it? Need some work? Mine sure did! Some of it I can say I fit pretty well, but others well I need a LOT of work to come up to Jesus standard. I think I will make some bookmarks using the fill in the blank above only instead of a blank I will have my name. That way I will have more reminders I need to strive toward these things daily in my life.
_____ is patient and kind.
_____ is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.
_____ does not demand her own way.
_____ is not irritable, and keeps no record of when she has been wronged. She never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
_____ never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.