Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Busy Wed.

Yesterday went well. Thank you for the prayers. They were very felt! I did invite a friend over. My mentality is "safety in numbers." I had to laugh as the case worker brought S's old case worker too. S's case worker was always terrified coming out here. The jersey cows were so big they scared her. B didn't even have a melt down all day. He came close but managed to contain it. Such progress! He hasn't had one yet today. He is always proud of him self when he doesn't melt down.

I did get a laugh as the CPS worker ask what he likes to do. He responded with this big smile, "Get cow feed!" Now you have to understand that is a fight about 1 day out of 3. He flat refused one day and sat all day as his choice instead of doing it. He will give me 1/2 buckets and be mad when I can tell it isn't 2 FULL buckets and I dump it back and tell him to start over. Yet, here he is so pleased and he LOVES getting cow feed!

Today I left the 2 oldest here and took the three littler ones to get cow feed. Then we all unloaded it. It is a ton (2000lbs). I had the two T's taking the twisty off the sacks, MN was arranging barrels and counting and piling sacks as MJ and I emptied them. B was in charge of sacking sacks. It went really fast with very little fussing. Both TD and B had to fuss some but when mom threatened to let TD do my job he hushed.

After it was done I came in. They were finishing up sacking sacks. TD came in with his panties in a wad. He was jabbering so fast I couldn't understand it. He then got mad at me when I told him I couldn't understand him. Wrong thing to do! He blew up. I BLEW up! He was mad because the other kids were saying mean things about his goat. Thinks like annoying and pest. I informed him she WAS an annoying pest! She is a bottle baby! They are ALL annoying pest! He didn't like that either! After the kids all came in he had to own he hadn't even told them he didn't like them calling names. He was mad! Tough! If you can't use your words I don't want to hear it. We then talked about triggers and I ask him what in his past that this triggered. He "didn't know". I suggest he ask God. Then I prayed. He said all he saw was black. We talked more about how God will show us by pictures, sounds, smells .... what the cause is. We prayed again and he was able to tell about his dad threatening to shoot him if the dog barked one more time. Yes, you read that right shoot TD, IF the dog barked again. MN said B has told her a similar story. Welcome to the world of hurt children. TD cried/sobbed on my shoulder and we talked about how it is OK to share those memories, the other kids shared some with him along the same lines. It was positive even if it sounds bad. We got to talk about how yucky things have happened to all of them. Some times just knowing you aren't alone in your abuse helps.

Today my small child is willingly doing school. He is so smart, but his handwriting is SO bad it is easy to miss the smart. I will just keep working and praying. He did school willing yesterday too. Maybe he was sick on Monday. I never decided. He is such a drama king. I do chuckle as I hear him say, "I'm not going to lay down to do school." Yes, I bug him about sitting up to write. It is interesting to hear him thinking about good choices. He really is processing a lot of what I am flooding him with.

Today we have a 20% chance of rain. One reason I had to get my feed this morning. We have a 70% then an 80%. I hope we get a LOT! Today is to be warm and windy. Tomorrow wet and not real cold, Then Friday we are to be COLD!

Wow! My little guy just ask to write his last name as OUR last name. I had to spell it for him. :) Maybe he is attaching or at least going through the motions which is a start. TD still isn't ready to give up his last name. I am not pushing, but trusting God. I really would like total name changes, but again, will trust God and His work in the timing and name changing.

LOL he starts goofing off and then if I twitch he says. "Ok I'll stop." Before I even move. :) He does know what is expected. I still haven't decided if marathon sessions of school he works better or short sessions or in between. I am still playing with what works best on concentration. If I figure it out I'm sure it will change won't it?

I am wondering if he works better of an afternoon or morning. I am a morning person. I hope he is too! I don't think or teach well of an afternoon.

Ok I have blogged enough. No real news. Oh I did want to share a couple of pictures I took yesterday. Grand son playing in the floor. He did try to steal the show while CPS was here. His mommy may want to steal some of these. I thought they were cute.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Monday fun.....

I'm setting here beside a small child that is "cold" and is choosing to not do school. He is "tired". He has his head on his desk. I ask him how he thought not doing school would work out for him? "Bad". Hummmm Guess he has to see if Monday really does mean back to school. I am a person that loves Monday. I like getting back in the routine and structure. I find it very frustrating that small child works hard to sabotage my good feelings for Monday. I did point out that I have lots to do today and this is my time to help him with school. When that time is done then he will be setting on the red stool watching me do my chores. Didn't seem to motivate him. His choice.

I do ask for prayers tomorrow as we get to meet the CPS worker that will be over the boys for the next 6 months. I dread having a CPS worker in our home. I think this is one of the hardest things about adoption. They have to check on the kids once a month. I know that is a good thing. It is just the whole CPS thing that is a pain. I guess it is my lack of trust. They have already changed the time they were coming out from 10 until 2. At least it isn't muddy so they can come out. Really 2 is a better time for us. Maybe kids will for the most part be done with school. Maybe small child will be through with his daily challenge to see if the rules apply today. They will. I just ask that this person not believe everything small child says. He tends to stretch and bend the truth, and then tattle on what ever he things would gain brownie points, true or not. Usually not! Last night he tattled on my DIL's brother. Small child had ask to play the keyboard. He doesn't get to do this without supervision. I was busy and said no. So a bit later DIL's brother was in there playing. He came and tattled. Didn't work out to well for him as he got to sit and watch me cook supper. Oh and DIL's brother is an adult!

Well now we are "sick". We are about to throw up. Hummm truth or fiction? Seemed to eat breakfast fine. I passed him a trash can. I wish I knew if he was sick or faking it. I have no problem if he really IS sick allowing him to rest, but sad to say I am going to have to see proof before I believe him. He isn't feverish. Now his "bones" hurt. No wait, his head hurts. No, he is tired. He "Haven't sleeped good last night." His words. "How's this working out for you?" His answer, "Bad." Now his stomach is "tired". Anyone want to guess is this child sick or avoiding school? I am totally at a loss as to which. Guess time will tell.

I can't decided if I want to make bread today or have the smell of bread tomorrow when CPS comes. We also need to do granola. I may wait until the end of the week for that as it is a nice way to keep the kitchen warm. I don't bake my granola I dry it in the oven. It takes longer is crisper and doesn't burn if not watched close. Besides it allows the smell of cinnamon to be throughout the house as it helps keep it warm.

I have balanced the milk supply some. I am not doing the back stroke in milk right now. I am letting one of the older cow's calves have all his mamas milk and not milking her. I slowly gain over the week but then share with friends once or twice a week.

LOL I just gave him the choice since he is "sick" or "tired" to go lay on the couch all day, no playing all day, sick people food all day. He wasn't game for that either. Sure makes me think he is faking it.

Time for me to get my day started since I don't need to sit here and help a small child. All have a blessed day!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Where did the week go......

It is hard to believe it is already Thursday. Today is town day. I thought I would be taking grandson to town today, but Daddy Day Care trumped Grandnola Day Care and he is keeping him. So it will be just my 5 in town today. We plan on going to the park and playing with friends. The temps today are suppose to be in the 70s.

My week has been good. We are still doing way to much coughing. MJ tried to take this could stuff but he slept most of 24 hours and seems better. The other boys didn't take it! Yea! MN seems to have the worst cough. We have tried every thing for it but she still coughs.

Mr. B has found mom to be mean and creative. He has spent most of two days writing sentences. His sentence goes something like this. "I will not call mom or any one else ugly names." He had 6 pages to do, then earned 7 more before he got those done. Now you have to understand these "pages" are writing practice pages. I type it out the computer generates it dotted for him to trace then write it under that. He has to trace it 4 times and write it 4 times per page. Hey, he needs handwriting help to so :) It took him from about 10 AM until 8 PM to do the 6pages. But only from about 10AM until 3 the second day to do 7 pages. Progress! then he did part of his school.

I really feel dealing with anger and attitude is number 1. As he learns I can and will keep him safe he will be in a better place to learn. I have pulled his circle into a very tiny circle within my reach. He won't be doing any playing out of that until he learns to control himself nicely in this circle. I did this for periods of time with each of the others. Some for a day or so, some for longer. It helps them learn self control. It also helps them feel safe. I think to myself how scary it must be to be 8 and not feel that the adults in your life can keep you safe. That they have let you down to the point you need to make your own decisions and not rely on them. My job is to allow this with a joyful spirit and happy face. Not to rush it. Give him time to heal and trust in a tiny area so that he can slowly grow his circle and maintain healthy control of his emotions and attitude.

The weather has been beautiful! Kids have spent lots of time playing outside. I'm sure they will be looking sun tanned before long. I am enjoying our fake spring. I don't know how long it will last but sunshine and showers are wonderful!

I guess I better start the day if we are going to get it done and be in town for park time. All have a very blessed day!

Friday, January 15, 2010

Why we do what we do..........

Many people have ask why we adopted, why we KEEP adopting. There are no easy answers other than God has called us to it. Maybe this picture will explain it better than all the words in the world.

This is MJ, he is 13 now. First how many 13 yo boys would sit down beside a baby and just start rocking her? Once she was asleep as he got up he said something quietly under his breath that both made my mommy heart soar and broke it. He sorta looked back and said, "That was nice. Sometimes I wish I was being rocked like that."
This child came to us never knowing the love of a dad. He knew his bio as the person that tried to drown him in the toilet. He knew hunger and hate and anger from his bio dad. I see this young man becoming a dad, don't you. I see him seeking out not usually the tiny babies, but the one year olds to play with, not as a child but as he sees the "dads" in his life play with the littles.
Today as I went to get GS at the hwy. He made sure the car seat was buckled. I handed GS to him, he buckled him in and when we got home brought him in the house. I offered to take him but, I was told, "No, I like doing it."
This is why we do it! We are giving a child a chance to become something more than circumstances and cycles say they will be! We are showing them the love of a earthly father and mother and a Heavenly Father. We are doing what God said to do.
I know adoption isn't something everyone is called to do, but everyone can reach out to an adoptive family and support them. I am very blessed to have an awesome support system both IRL and on the net. Many families give up because they don't have the support. Their "friends" don't like the color or the behaviours of the children they adopt. Yes, I have had both of those implied to me. Even if you can do nothing but offer a coupon book of treats it might be the lift someone needs to stick it out while the going is tough.
Adoption IS life changing! It not only changes children's lives, but families lives and the world!

Calm, Quite Friday at Our House.......

As calm and quite as any home with 9 children from almost 3 months to 13 is! Yes, that was the 2 legged kid count today, oh with one 4 legged one in a box in the school room for good measure. I had planned to keep 1 yo grand son and his 6 yo sister wanted SOOO badly to come stay with me she decided to puke in the back seat of mom's car and again in her bed last night. Mom was nice and let her come. I really hope she doesn't have to go to such extremes next time. :) She has been fine all day. In fact she is spending the weekend.

We are all still trading crud around here. DH and MN both are sharing today. DH came home early, it was before 7 pm when he got home! That means he is really sick! MN feels yucky and is running a fever. I'm sure DH is too, he has taken on homesteading the blue recliner since I do feel some better.

Grand kids all seem to have snotty noses. New kids got lessons in nose wiping of smaller siblings today. They did well! I did laugh at B and 1 yo grand son. GS was climbing in a baby chair I ask B to set him down. This child is a chunk and tends to not "help" when he is being removed from a spot he wants to be. So B not ever dealing with small children bumped his head as he sat him down. Didn't slow GS down, he headed back for the chair. B again removed him and this time tried to sit him down easy and ended up bumping the back of his head. Think lead weight being moved. Instead of crying said child again headed for the chair. I got up and MOVED the chair out of his line of play. He was liking this way to much. Tough kid!

B is doing MUCH better on tattling. He only tattled I think once today, and that was that TD was going to tattle on him. :) His melt downs are less also. He still hates me, doesn't like me, and several other flattering things, but hasn't cussed or really had a screaming match with me. Progress! He is still helping at the barn like a champ. Can't wait to go and is willing to try and help a lot more.

I did laugh once today B got mad in the school room and stomped in here. I looked up and said, "Oh are you going to play with GS?" He brightened and played with him quite well for while then announced he was going back out there. :) Having so many ages of kids is really nice as they can see and play like a 1 yo or 2 yo or older child.

Today TD ask me why when I told 1 yo GS "No!" He didn't get mad but stopped. So we got to talk about training and all. He said his adoptive mom did that and B listened but his dad didn't make him follow the rules. I told him this mom and dad both expected rules followed. It was a passing commit but it helps him see parenting skills and how people learn. Now I really wish that both GS always listened when "No!" is spoken and I would love to give that impression, but truth is, they are 1 and 2 and challenging boundaries daily. Just not as loud or long or as defiant as my 8 yo.

LOL I sent 5 children to pick up the school room, you can guess how big a mess it is. I explained that anyone NOT helping wouldn't be playing there tomorrow. Guess who decided NOT to help? Yep, Mr. B. I ask him point blank if he was helping? "No"
"Ok, not a problem! Get your night clothes on."
This said to the reply of, "NO" not yelling just defiant. I went back to typing as he didn't quite stomp but walked heavy back to get night clothes and is now changing in the bathroom. I will bet money his clothes will be backwards when he comes out. :) His "defiant" stance!

Speaking of stomping B kept his shoes all day!!!! So he took them off to play a while. LOL his shirt is on RIGHT!!!! Can't see the bottoms! Lost that bet didn't I? He even did it quickly. LOL now he is "hungry". No we aren't eating anymore. Supper was over maybe 30 minutes ago. He ate 3 huge bowls of salad. Passed on the chicken soup. Oh, I know there is bread on the table he wants. That to passed without melt down, he is now upstairs brushing teeth. See life is getting better. He seems to be catching on that he isn't going to win. I'm sure I am in for a battle tomorrow over playing in the school room. think I will print a sign and post it to help all of us remember that "Because B chose to NOT pick up toys he may not play in here." That will go over well. It is now being taped to the door. He will be mad in the morning. I think he is processing all these choices and starting to figure out it isn't changing.

They are all off to do quite stuff upstairs. Yea right! That is the claim. They have been having issues of not getting up so bed time started getting earlier. Night before last it was 7:30! Last night, since they had gotten up on time they got to stay up until 8. Tonight since everyone was again up and ready to go they get until 8:30. At that time they are to do lights out and be quite. If they can't do that then the time will again start the other way. I know mean mean mom and dad. Dad really gets the credit for this. The rule was up at 9 play quite until 9:30 and could read until 10, but this was being abused and kids weren't getting up so they lost that privilege.

It has gotten quite down stairs. I do chuckle when S was upstairs I was for ever fussing at girls for noise, now she isn't and it is BOYS that are being fussed at. I do think she kept the girls mainly TJ in trouble with chattering.

Speaking of S, her bio mom did pick her up in San Antonio. They came and got her stuff out of the storage unit over last weekend. She did call me one day this week, the day I was sooooo sick and ask where her MP3 and photo's were. I told her I put her MP3 in her stuff the day I took it from her and I assumed her photo's were in there didn't have a clue. She said she would keep in touch, "If we wanted." I told her it was her choice. That was about the length of the conversation. She did pick up on something was wrong. I told her I had a cold. I know she has contacted the friends she stayed with in SA. The 16 yo was rather blunt and explained they weren't friends, didn't plan on being friends she was treated nice because she was a guest in their home. It would be nice to think S understood not being rude doesn't mean you are her forever friend, but in her mind if you are nice then you are fast friends. It seems the two teen girls compared notes after S left and she was lying to each about the other. Didn't seem to set to well with them. :) Can't imagine! I do wish her well and pray for her often. Beyond that she is God's problem not mine. She is 18 and an adult! This may sound heartless, but she burned lots of bridges with dripping water type issues that wear away trust and positive feelings over time and you don't even know they are gone until the water is removed.

Dh is now snoring in the blue chair, guess he is resting. Kids really are quite upstairs. I think I will sneak off to the shower and see if I can unstop my nose before bed. All have a blessed night. If you feel led pray for all of mine that have the crud. It sure isn't fun.

Thursday, January 14, 2010


As I watched my kids and grand children go about their day today I was struck by how much education takes place here. Just a few minutes ago MJ was reading the colors off the pencil colors for 2 yo grand son as he avidly listened and try to repeat them.

This morning I watched 5 children in the kitchen. It looked like chaos, yet if you looked close two were busy breaking and cooking eggs, two were busy making chocolate milk in the vita mix from scratch, and 1 was cleaning up the milker from milking this morning. Yet less than a month ago 2 of the children had never cooked. I do shut my eyes as I watch eggs being broke from about a foot above the cup they are to land in.

I see positive change in my child that is so resistant to the word "NO". He is learning love and logic and doesn't seem to like it much. Yesterday he flat refused to fill buckets with cow feed. Now this isn't a hard task. Take a 3 lb coffee can fill it with feed and pour it in a 5 gallon bucket. Do two 3 lb coffee cans per cow. One reason I have him do this is it is great for motor skills. I learned when we first got MJ and were dealing with lots of motor and sensory issues that what country people think of as "normal" child play/work is basically what is done to help sensory and motor skills. Back to Mr. B. He refused, I had two options wait him out, or come up with a choice for him. At that point I was going to have to get better to die so waiting him out didn't seem such a good option. So I gave him the choice of getting cow feed are watching me rest for the day. He wouldn't be playing or doing school, just setting. He choose sitting. So he sat! Not a happy camper he ask to get cow feed. He cussed, he screamed, he told me how much he hated me, he threatened to call 911, he threatened to break my body. ...... you get the picture. Yet, when dad came home he could tell dad why he was setting and how he could make different choices and not have to set. We had spent the day visiting when he wasn't yelling and I was feeling well enough to connect. You know yelling at someone that can't hardly hold their eyes open and when some one is yelling chooses not to doesn't carry much effect.

This morning he was joyful and happy and filled EVERY cow bucket plus with easy. We talked about how it wasn't hard. How he was such a strong smart boy. :) For this child control is a VERY big issue. I find it interesting this is the child I seem to have the in your face control/attachment issues with. I will have to PROVE to him I can keep him safe and I am worthy of his trust.

I gave him a Horizon exit second grade math placement test today. He had issues with money and time. The rest of it he breezed through. Hummmm smart cookie? I see an improvement in all areas of his school work, even writing which is still a LONG way from even OK. I wonder again if control was the motivating factor.

TD is making great grades on the SOS lessons but bombing the quizzes. I changed his school work to allow open book quizzes for now. I think that will help him get use to this. I did explain to him that he won't get to keep that forever. It is a transition period. He has decided he likes to help put up milk of a morning. That is normally TJ's job. Now both my T's are doing it. She "allowed" him to do the pouring up of milk this morning. He was GLOWING when I came in the door. He was so excited. He is still missing his foster mom bad. He cries for her almost every day. We call once or twice a week and he colors a picture for her and I scan it and email it to her. I did find it interesting he drew her and her husband with big smiles on their faces. I saw that as good. Please keep praying that his grief process in healthy ways and with supernatural speed.

Yesterday morning all of them got a taste of love and logic. I have ask them and they know that they are to be ready to go do chores at 8am. The day before they came downstairs at 8. Yesterday they were a bit faster, but instead of dressing they sat. Not a problem, when 3 boys went to get dressed at 7:58 I pointed out they were out of time and might focus on getting shoes on instead. A couple had shocked looks. I had one girl not dressed she quickly found shoes. The ONE child that was dressed didn't have milker set up which is also suppose to be done by 8. So out the door they went coats, shoes and PJ's. MJ decided to push the limit and hung back and found his coveralls. Only problem with them was they were his about 4 years ago. They might fit B. I nearly ok I DID loose it when he came out the door trying to get his arms in them. Think wounded bird flap. The legs were almost to his knees. I made him take it off his shoulders and wear them all day so dad could see how hansom he looked.

Amazing I had children ready to go do chores this morning. I had gotten up showered, dressed and went back to bed. I came out about 10 till, but I was dressed and ready!

Speaking of chores and milk we are doing the back stroke in milk. I am bring in about 5 gallons for house and 2 for babies every morning. The jersey heifers are doing about 3 gallons together and then my second year milker jersey/holstein is giving a good 2. Top that with the old jersey which I want to sell giving 1 1/2 to 2 every morning. Kids probably drink 1 gallon of chocolate milk and almost 1 of white each day. I cook in spurts with it. I made bread using milk today. I almost always use milk if I have it. Just adding that much more nutrition, and gets 3 1/2 cups out of the frig.

Today we made palm oil popcorn for the first time in a while. I don't know why I hate doing it. It is easy, but I will procrastinate and not. I need to allow kids to. I think they can handle the stove and pot well enough now to do it. It is healthy and yummy for them.

Ok this started out to be about education and ended up just a ramble. I guess most things we do around here teach something. Even if it is dd changing grand dd diaper. She is learning skills that as a mom she will need.

Chore time has arrived again. We are off to do chores and feed babies then feed 2 legged kids. We seem to have way to much leftovers and I have declared no cooking until scraps are ATE. I may make potato cakes with the mash potatoes in there. That will be a treat.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Heart of Motherhood Enrichment News

Hello Ladies,
Blessings to each of you. Heart of Motherhood Enrichment retreat is just 23 days away. Registrations have started to come in. The team is enjoying planning and preparing a wonderful, fun, and relaxing retreat. We're praying for each of you. We pray all the details will work out for you to attend.

Each of the speakers are getting excited about what God has put of their hearts to share with you. Listen to these wonderful topics:

God's Heart for Moms – Kristi McClellan
As a mom, you pour your heart and energy into loving your child(ren). But you are also a daughter, the beloved daughter of the King of heaven, Who longs to pour His love into you! Come hear encouragement about God's heart toward you, His precious child!

Motherhood and Marriage – Elaine Russo
Hot, Hot, Hot, ...How to keep the home fire burning!

Nutrition – Julie Zesch
Be inspired to rejuvenate and take care of your temples with the yummy, luscious foods God has provided for us.

A Mother's Role in Establishing Identity in Children and Teens – Molly Criner

Sharing From a Mothers Heart – Cindy McCloy and Nola Jones

If you are unable to attend all weekend, consider coming for the day on Saturday. The cost for one day will be $50.00
Don't delay, Don't procrastinate, Register now!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!
If you have any questions contact us at Heartofmotherhood@ or you can contact us on face book @ Heart of Motherhood.

Blessings to you all,

May today's rising of the sun mirror the rising hope in your heart of God's emphatic desire to be a part of your life in a very personal way.

My Sin Is Busyness

Last night as I went to bed feeling terrible I again ask God what my sin was. I had a stomach bug last week, now a cold. I knew I was in sin some how. But what was it?
Like a lightning bolt it hit me BUSYNESS. Even though I am doing my quite time daily I am not doing it will a joyful spirit or a focused mind. I have to much else going on!

As I read God's word my mind wonders to what I need to do today. Which child will give me fits today. How best to deal with a zillion different things. Add cold weather and that is another layer of distraction.

I have switched up my Bible reading several times lately trying to figure out what was lacking. I got my journal out and journaled, a bit. That again soon fell by the way side. I didn't want to be legalistic about my time with God. I want it to just flow. I want to fellowship with Him, on my terms. When I have time, amidst the distractions of 5 kids, all with adjustment issues as we build a new family out of strangers. When I am not feeding 4 legged critters or doing laundry for 2 legged critters. When I feel like it!

The Holy Experience bog yesterday was very powerful in this area.
Stop Think Obey PRAY
I need to spend a lot more time STOP ed than I do in motion. Right now I seem to be always in motion, at least my brain. Just like it is very hard to teach our children with there are a zillion distractions, it is hard for my Father to teach me.

Many places in the Bible it uses the word repent, but what does it really mean? I use to think it meant "Say you are sorry, and mean it." I have since learned it means something more and something deeper. This is from the Blue Letter Bible: Repentance is not reforming our life. Nor is it penance or an attempt to atone for sins. Repentance is change—it is more than sorrow.
I can be sad that I was sinning and not change. I can give lip service to change and not change in my heart. True repentance is heart change.

Last night I continued to pray between coughing spells for what I needed to do. How I needed to change. What I needed to do to put God first again, and not sandwich Him in between the temper tantrum and warming baby milk, while also listening to some read. It really isn't a very good place to fellowship with my Heavenly Father, the God of the Universe.

I don't have all the answers. I wish I did. I still didn't get up as early as I wanted to to spend time with God today. I had found an online Bible Reading Plan with a journal attached that seems interesting. It will tell me each day what I need to read and give me a place for my thoughts.

I know I am going to have to sacrifice Internet time of a morning to spend more time real time with God. Or I could drag my bottom out of bed earlier to do it. :) I know that winter is hard for me to get up early, it's dark and cold. I like spending time early when it isn't cold and dark.
I have several Bible Study books around here I want to do. When? I have been working on one for 2 months and still not finished. I like it, but find it requires a lot of concentration. That means before children are up or after they go to bed. I am to tired most nights to study once the house is quite. My goal is a few minutes with my dh before I crash. I know from adopting before this is a season. It is much like the first month or so when you have a new baby in the house. As everyone meshes and fits together into a family and learns the rules my life becomes easier.

I can't use that as an excuse though. I have to make God time now! I have to put Him first so I am armed with Him to deal with all the thorns of the day. I wish I could say I have a solid plan, but I don't have a clue! I am on day three of my Bible reading plan. :) I did focus better today, but not where I need to be. I continue to take every thought captive and battle against spiritual distractions that are blocking me from receiving God's Word and His understanding. Knowing what I need to do. Knowing what my sin is helps a LOT. I can now focus more on laying aside things that are 'busy" but not productive. Time stealer's! Some of which are also very uplifting. I need to find a new balance in my walk with God. I need to make conscious thoughts to put Him first. To seek Him out not just when I have an issues, or when I have "time", but throughout the day. STOP often! I haven't been stopping much less thinking. Obey? well.... if I am not thinking then I can't be obeying! and Prayers have been a quick crises prayer or a wow sunset prayer but not a deep drawing near Him, worshiping Him prayer time.

So as I tell God "I'm sorry!" I will work on repenting and turning away from my sin, I will work on the heart issues that caused the sin in the first place. I will seek my Father more. Not just for needs, but as I describe it kitchen table talk.

Years ago I was thinking about what fellowship means and how it applies to friends, family and God. Until my mom died every afternoon for 20+ years friends, relatives and their friends gathered at her kitchen table about 4 pm. We drank coffee, we visited, we solved world problems, we held grand kids, we snacked on what ever anyone brought or what Grandmother had made. This is true fellowship! We shared our hearts, our problems, our funnies. We watched our loved ones die from cancer as they came to coffee until they were to weak to walk across the street. It is a memory that is precious to me and I think probably every person that joined her at that old kitchen table. While some may not see fellowship with God in the same light. They didn't experience the love of Grandmothers table. That is the closest experience on Earth I can come up with to what fellowshipping with God is like.

Monday, January 11, 2010

A snap shot of an evening at our house...

Feeding time! Every one load up! Time? about 5:30 pm. Milk is on to warm for babies as we go feed the big stock.

If you look close you will see this goat isn't feeding a baby goat, but a lamb. This is her "baby" She has adopted it to the point we turned her loose.

My sheep waiting on a hand out! While we stop and check on my son's sheep and goats. I didn't get pictures of that part tonight.

Lambs of all colors!

Feed poured out!

Lambs! Well, all but one is a lamb! Some of my pretty sheep.

I took a lot of sunset pictures on the way home from feeding. Kids were glad my camera battery was dying I was driving around in the ranger for different shots while they hung on.
As you can see the colors were ever changing and beautiful!

Time to sort babies. They all want to eat. I don't even try to keep up with the count. We loose some/bring more in almost daily. It is ever changing.

Don't forget to feed the blind nanny. She has a form of pink eye, if you treat it in 21 days she will get better. If you put her in a dark area and keep feed and water where she can find it without treatment in 3 weeks she will be better. She has two kids in this pen also.

December and January bedding down for the night. I can't tell them apart, only mamas can!

Pretty rooster!

Feeding time! These are some of the "little" babies they always eat first.

Chicken anyone?

Some of the things missed in these pictures is some kids are sorting calves off cows, others are filling feed buckets with feed for cows, 10 gallons each evening and again of a morning for my milk cows. Yes, milk is expensive to make!
Others are gathering eggs and handing off babies as they are full into the right pen.
Once all the critters are cared for then we came in and made hamburgers and enjoyed a yummy meal. I had made hamburger buns earlier in the day. I have learned I have to plan ahead for night meals this time of year.
It was almost 7 pm by the time we got in the house. I did spend a little more time with the camera but you get the picture of our evenings.
Mornings are much the same. We do every thing all over again and milk 4 cows on top of other chores. We start that at 8 AM and usually make it back in by 9ish.
I am blessed to have my life but it IS busy!

So How is your day going?............

Here is a snap shot of my day....

Laugh of the day! B tattled on the CHICKENS in the barn because they were causing the dust to fly. He gets in trouble for this so............... He sat out to get the chickens in trouble. Found himself setting and thinking a while.

Today I was really struggling to keep from laughing quit often as he demanded this or that. As we were all doing breakfast he demanded granola. You have to understand I was standing there with the granola and bowls working on getting both he and I some. After about the third demand for granola with milk I poured his bowl back in the jar and explained he would have to find someone else help him with breakfast. I wasn't his servant. He stomped off. Life goes on around here. He came back in a few minutes with the, "I'm sorry mom. Would you get me granola." "Nope, I was trying and you couldn't wait. Feel free to ask T to fix you an egg or have fruit or dry granola." He then went and ask T to cook him eggs. She was cooking her some. She made him go get his eggs, plates etc. He did all of it.

B didn't want to do school. Not a problem, here come set by me. Stomping, not a problem you can have shoes tomorrow. He decided he WANTED to do school. His "place" is across the bar from me. I put his math page there. "IT"S HARD!", scoop math sheet up, not a problem! Don't want to tax his brain. He had to come set back by me. Kid begged me to do school. Finally I relent, he had the "I won" look on his face. Sure enough he didn't work. So back to his "chair". Finally I got busy on life. Laundry etc. While he begged for school work. I was nice and kept apologizing for having other work to do. I would be glad for him to do his school later, but I had used up the time I had allotted him. Every try to whine over a vita-mix and kitchen aid mixer?
He seemed to have a problem being heard.

Next tactic was, "I'm hungry!" So when I came to a stopping spot I fixed him a bowl of the left over soup from the other day. No crackers, no cheese all of which he pouted and ask for. I sat a timer and he had x amount of time to eat. He got mad shoved the food across the table and was quite done with lunch. He again had to sit. When he had the chance to do school he finished his math without a problem. I gave him 10 minutes to play. He blew that and is gain setting.

I am so reminded of the control issues of MN. I ask her if she was looking in the mirror. She said she was. Is this child RAD? I'm not sure, but I sure see serious attachment/control issues. I do find it funny in I don't think of my self as a control freak, but I find I really don't share control with small children well at all. I can look at it most of the time as a game and keep my sense of humor.

Will I relent and let him do school later? I have no clue. As long as we have the stinking attitude not likely. He isn't being sat in a cornor, but within about 2 feet of me. He is visiting with me and talking and chattering off and on. I calmly discuss choices and how sad I am for the ones he has made. I do point out that he can make better choices and have different outcome. It is all his choice. As of now I'm not interested in him doing school. All the other kids made a CHOICE to do theirs earlier. All but TD is done. He has had to redo some in science. Surprise he did it willingly. :) He is over all making wonderful grades.

We have hamburger buns made for supper. We have lunch behind us. I am ready for a nap. Wonder why I go to bed tired?

Hope every one's day is progressing at a calmer easier pace than mine.

Today I was really struggling to keep from laughing quit often as he demanded this or that. As we were all doing breakfast he demanded granola. You have to understand I was standing there with the granola and bowls working on getting both he and I some. After about the third demand for granola with milk I poured his bowl back in the jar and explained he would have to find someone else help him with breakfast. I wasn't his servant. He stomped off. Life goes on around here. (He has done a whole page of math so for). He came back in a few minutes with the, "I'm sorry mom. Would you get me granola." "Nope, I was trying and you couldn't wait. Feel free to ask T to fix you an egg or have fruit or dry granola." He then went and ask T to cook him eggs. She was cooking her some. She made him go get his eggs, plates etc. He did all of it.

Doesn't this sound like control to all of you "experts". He is happily doing math. I really don't care if he does it today or not. This is the first subject. He has several others to do before he can get a brownie. MN made some yummy brownies and I have given each child one as they finish school for the day. They are talking popcorn later. They are all so sad and share that sadness with B as they come by. They are all more than willing to wish he had made different choices out loud.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

A few pictures

A few pictures I had on my camera.

TD ask to hold K. I had to document it!

He didn't hold her long but hey, for a boy that had never held a baby to ask and to do it is neat!

All for the sake of "beauty" TJ ask DIL to put her hair in rollers for the NIGHT. She slept in them all night and had "curls" for town the next day.

Have I mentioned that MN HATES having her picture taken? They were doing dishes

Got her grinning before she relized I was camera happy.

Prayer Request

I just found out my aunt was in a terrible car accident yesterday. She is in ICU. Please keep Carolyn Carr in your prayers and add her to your prayer chains.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Life in 2010

Life is busy. Life is CRAZY! Yesterday was one of those really tough days.

When dh got up it was 27 degrees. When we headed out to do chores it was 24. On my circle I discovered my jersey heifer was calving. Joy joy. MN and I helped her but she was pretty cold. I stuck the HEIFER calf in front of her nose to lick and left her cleaning while we finished our circle.

I was SOOOOOO cold! Some silly person had just worn their tennis shoes. Hey, they are easy to slide in and slide out of. My feed were throbbing. I used a corn bag and warmed them, then went to check the cow and her baby. Calf was chilling down. I took mom a bucket of warm water. Nice thing about jersey calves they are tiny. I scooped her and brought her home. Then got MN and we went back and led mom home. I spent lots of time rubbing the calve. I thawed some colostrum and we force fed the calf some. Mama laid down beside it trying to help warm it. Finally it got warm enough to take a bottle. I gave it a bottle of colostrum and it stood.

Mean while MN checked ds's goats and sheep. She brought one newborn lamb in that died before she got it to the house. She went back to get two more. Joy joy! People wonder why we dislike cold weather so.

Yesterday was our town day. We were planning on leaving early and doing Sam's and WM then going to have pizza with friends. We FINALLY made it for pizza about 1:15. Shopping didn't happen! We did pizza then therapy. I was already feeling sorta yuck before pizza but felt it was just my crazy morning. I was wrong. Before therapy was over I called my dh to ask him to please come home in a timely manor to help with chores as I was turning green. Ever drove 40 miles in the dark going "I will not toss my cookies"? Not fun! I did manage to not toss the............. until I got home. I then tossed cookies and went to bed. Leaving all the chores for dh and the kids.

I had one more round of tossing cookies then just hurt for the rest of the night. I guess it is part of the bug that my back hurt from the top of my neck to my hips. I tossed and turned all night. I got up at 6 did my Bible and decided to try taking my heating pad back to bed for 1 WHOLE hour. It really helped. I wish I had thought to do that in the night.

Today I am sore and still achy, but no more upset tummy. I still am not interested in food though. I'm sure that will change. I wish I could figure out how to get a nap. I don't see that happening.

Our circle this morning in 20 degree weather netted one new lamb on the ground that mama loved and had up and nursing. We also had one of our milk goats with twins on the ground. Good thing they were in the shed on the hill since she was standing there looking at them like they were nasty. We poured feed out for the sheep and goats put the babies in the 5 gallon bucket and caught her. Loaded her in the ranger and came to the house. MN rubbed babies dry while I thawed colostrum. Once they ate some warm colostrum they were able to get up and nurse mama. Stupid Goat!

School is going well for the kids. TD is now using the Switched on Schoolhouse. He seems to like it. He would like "lots" of help. He gets some. B is still doing print outs for me as I try to figure out where he is. He is so all over the place. He likes math. He reads well. His writing skill is lacking but as the meds we took him off of get out of his system more he seems to be doing better in so many ways. Writing being one of them.

The boys are having less fights. B is starting to think about his tattling. He will start for me and then go, "Never mind". It seems he is connecting the dots. He tattles and I "protect" him by having him play by me for an extended time. At this moment he is pouting. He wanted to go get toys from the garage. I said no, play with what is in here. He didn't want to. Not a problem, he now has his writing page to do before he plays period. Such a sad child! Head down on the bar in front of me. I wonder who will break first? Me telling him get busy or him just giving up since he isn't getting much feed back.

Yesterday TD cooked his own eggs. Everyone else wanted oatmeal. So he had to cook his own. I have been teaching him. This time I was trying to thaw my feet. He ask who was going to help? Er, no one, you wanted eggs it is your problem. :) He did it! They were good so I was told. :)

LOL oh we are building up to a melt down. He "doesn't want to do school". "Not a problem! You can set there." LOL "I don't like you!" "I hate you." :) Oh joy joy thought maybe we would escape a melt down today. He is saying all this in a calm non yelling voice. He would like me to respond. I am busy typing and just can't be distracted. :) Yelling has toned down. I find him cooling his heals outside seems to take the yell out of fights. Tj came for help and he was trying to distract. I gave him three options. He could set quietly, do his school or be removed outside. He decided to set quietly. :) As soon as I was finished with Tj he started up again with not liking me. Kids floated through TD is finished with school. He is playing with lego's We talked about how each one has made the choice to not do school at times and that they didn't get to play. He again has the writing paper in front of him. Opps, spoke to soon, paper is again shoved away. He "can't do it". LOL he hasn't TRIED to do it. Not one line on the paper yet :)

And what does TJ bounce over here and tell me. "Mom we need to get more girls!" LOL oh I think I better not mention that to dh .......... for a while.

As to S and her issues. They haven't changed. She is still with friends. Her bio mom is suppose to pick her up tomorrow. We will see. She has made the choice to NOT see us again. She ask us to send the key to the storage building to her there. We did. So her bio's are driving to San Antonio to pick her up from N. Central AR then driving up to here to get her stuff out of the storage unit. We were planning on getting her, which would save her bio's many miles but this works too. Easier for us! It is sad the choices she is making. I do feel validated in the same issues we saw and worked hard on for 18 months yet accomplished nothing are the issues they see there. She just isn't willing/able to learn. We are talking things such as portion size or nutrition. We are talking about phone usage, or Internet use. She has no self-control so she has lost those privileges there. She was calling Jamaica! Why? Because someone gave her "their" phone number only it just happened to be a Jamaican phone number. Her bio's have promised her a car, (she doesn't know how to drive.), a computer, a phone...... and she will flat tell anyone willing to listen she is 18 and can do what she wants. Don't we wish that was the truth!

LOL writing is NOW being done! I won! I never argued or fussed. He is now "sorry" he was ugly. We will see if he rushes.

Tj is making egg drop soup for lunch. Not sure exactly what that is. She has water eggs mixed veggies, noodles and is adding spices.

Writing is done! Not to messy!

I'm off here to build the fire up again. That seems to be ongoing!

All be blessed!

Monday, January 4, 2010

Ooops I posted this on my DD blog last week...

Water Woe's and other Joys of Monday Morning... Monday December 28th (I think)

Dh discovered our water froze in the pump house this morning. He made this discovery IN the shower. Seems some how the pump house door came open. Did I mention it is 20 or so here? The electric heater in the pump house also failed to work. So I sit with no water for now. We are praying that no pipes are busted. He put another heater in the pump house and SHUT THE DOOR! I am to go out and check it every 30 minutes are so in the hopes it thaws so I can flush, among other things. Our weekend was great! I enjoy having dh home. I look fwd to next weekend so we have another long weekend. This week I would like to start finding routine. Not sure what that even is. Today is one week with the boys. WOW! Time flies when you are having fun, or something like that. It has been a good week. I do see them as tough kids. I see them as good kids. Kids that have lots of potential. They survived our Christmas Dinner and relatives for the night. We went to a Japanese steak house as a family. One grand daughter didn't make it. She was snowed in with her bio dad in KS and didn't get home in time. We had both sons, their families, that's 7 plus dil's brother, plus our sil and bil add our 5 littles and they GAVE us a room to ourselves! Smart choice When you have 17 crazies in one room... I had two request on seating. One my oldest son and MN are NOT allowed near each other. They feed off each other and I am ready to paddle both of them in a matter of minutes. I also wanted B next to dh or I. T was down the table between MN and MJ. Each day at least one has a meltdown. Yesterday evening TD was asking questions about the ranger. I told him once he gets a handle on his anger and aggression I would be more than happy to teach him to drive. He thought that was cool. B is so funny! His melt downs have lessened as they accomplish nothing but him missing play. Last night he was to help dry dishes. He didn't want to. So I gave him a choice, "Help dry dishes or get ready for bed." He stated he didn't want to get ready for bed. I ask so what do you need to do. "Dry dishes." He did. I see LOTS of ODD in him. Yesterday morning I gave him 5 minutes to be dressed. I handed him his clothes and went to the barn. DH was to bring him to the barn dressed or undressed. I do think SIL, BIL and dad cheered him on but he managed to get dressed in 5 minutes, WITH shoes! This really is a big deal since it has taken him longer than that to NOT get just shoes on. Yes, dh would have toted his hiney to the barn bare! I do see ADHD stuff in B. I don't in TD. TD is a quite thoughtful child. He may be add but not H in the mix or his meds work REALLY well. DIL and I were looking at his life book and his pictures reflect the same. While B is almost moving in the photos T is setting back watching the world. The still water runs deep statement fits him I think. I keep going and checking the water to see if it is thawed. Not yet. I do hope it thaws soon. I can survive without it. I just don't want to! We can carry buckets of water in to flush and wash dishes. I guess I will have to go get some water to warm for milking and such. Maybe by the time we are done we will have running water.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

First post of 2010

Our year started quite. We had my SIL and nephew out yesterday. We are still working hard to teach mainly one young man that we really do mean what we say. :) It has been an interesting experience.

We are still doing well without meds. or as many meds. His anger outburst are down to very very spoiled child outburst. He is strong willed. He and MN had dish duty yesterday morning. He wasn't going to help. Not a problem, he could do it without help. Oh the tears, oh they yelling, no cussing (improvement!), oh the threats. He was going to run away. I pointed to the door and said bye have a nice walk. When he didn't move I ask "Thought you were leaving?" He didn't threaten to call 911. Last week he did that. I offered him the phone about 3 times. When lunch rolled around he was still half heartedly washing dishes between outburst of, "I need help." I would again ask him if he was suppose to help MN with dishes. He would agree. Then I would ask him if he did. No. So see he had help but didn't use it so he earned doing them alone. Maybe tomorrow he would make different choices. :) He ended up doing most of the lunch dishes too before he decided washing was better than raging. Since the conversations didn't even stop for his yelling. :) After dishes he had to mop the floor, which he did with a joyful spirit. The rest of the day was great for him.
Over all life is adjusting well. TD is coming out of his shell more and more. He is such a neat kid to talk to. His speech issues make him hard to understand but we are working on it. I explain he has to speak slow and face me so I can hear him. I tell him it is my problem but if he wants me to understand he has to do this. :)
Some random pictures. This is from the barn last night. Babies are all cuddling for the night. Look close see the calf. She is the focal point of all the cuddling.
Dish duty. Usually evenings find everyone doing dishes before bed.