Monday, April 23, 2012

Life Lessons and Adoptions musings

D10 likes to push my buttons.  He does this in all kinds of ways.  Some times he even succeeds, more often even when he does succeed he isn't aware of it.  My main goal is to not let him know when he gets lift-off.   Some days his antics back fire.  Yesterday was one of those times.  

He was ask to get the baby goats in the pen.  This required him walking out the front gate and around the house with the goats happily bouncing around him.  They follow!  So he did this in a long amount of time, which was fine, no rush.  Then he got to the barn.  Instead of leaving them outside the barn, which is what he should have done.  He decided to open the gate to the pen they go in.  Only one problem, all the inside gates were open.   Since we always close gates before opening the gate for the babies, I would bet he was aware of it.   When I wondered over to see how it was going I noticed a lot of babies in the other pens.  D10 mean while was off getting the last few goats that missed a turn in the pen.   I just pointed to all the babies running everywhere and told him to let me know when they were all back where they belong.  

 Every try to put toothpaste back in the tube, with some one squeezing the tube?  That is sorta how it is with these little goats.  They know where the milk is, and it ISN'T in the pen he wants them in.  While he is trying to stuff one back in 3 more make it through the gate.   I just smile and watch.   He could move them around and have an empty pen, but he doesn't think of that and I don't suggest.  I just smile and take pictures.
 Not only did I have to wait patiently so did the cows.   This is January. 
 I would guess it took him maybe 30 minutes of hard labor to get them all in the right place.   I did get a chuckle as MN came on the scene.  I pointed out what was happening.  She went, "Oh I remember doing that."  Yep, she should!   She did it more than once.  Each time claiming it was an "accident".   I believed her about as much as I believed him.  

 I really wish this had a better picture of the glare I was getting, or were the darts?  Not sure which.  Either way he wasn't happy that I was so calm about the whole thing.   Just busted his bubble. 
Life with a child that has attachment issues can be tough.  They don't do to make you happy.  They do to push you away and validate their expatiation's that you aren't worthy of being attached too.  The closer they come to really wanting to attach the harder they push away and the more they fight their feelings of attachment by trying to get you to unlove them.  To send them away.   They are difficult!  

I am at a point I see the rewards of attaching to the unattached child.  I have one who in lots of ways makes D10 a walk in the park.  She is now probably my most attached child.   It wasn't easy.  It wasn't fun, for either of us.  She talks about things she did now, some I know about some I don't, and just is amazed that she really acted that bad.  I know that there were days when I really didn't think I could do it.  That she was so much more than I signed up for.  By the grace of God, lots of prayers, support from friends and my DH not allowing her to triangle our family we walked through those tough years and she is an amazing young lady of God now.  Does she ever mess up?  SURE!   But the difference is in the heart.  She has one, where as for years hers was so walled off that I didn't know if she had one.  I see this in D10 now.  I don't see his heart as walled off as hers is.  I see more moments of empathy toward others than she had.  I take hope in that and pray for breakthrough on the tough days.  I rejoice on the days that we have calm happy children.  Most days are somewhere in between and I am just thankful for children that are healing and growing and have great possibilities ahead of them.  

As we prepare to we hope adopt again, (homestudy is finally done!), I look at the changes in all of our adopted children.  I am truly blessed by what God has given me.   I can't imagine life without them!   How dull would my world be if when my youngest son flew the nest I had rolled up my mommie apron and waited for a time to use the granola apron.  How many blessings would I have missed?  What tough test would I have not had to take?  What amazing testimonies would I not be giving because I didn't take the test?  I know that I know that I know my walk with God wouldn't be what it is today without my children pushing me to my knees and crying out to Him because, I couldn't parent them without Him.  They were more than I bargained for.  They weren't what I signed up for!   God is so faithful!  He knew what we could do, not what I could do or what DH and I could do, but what WE, could do!   He has led, He has pushed, He has held us all when times were tough.   Will we have tough times ahead, I'm sure!  I am equally sure that God will be right there in the middle of the mess guiding and helping and protecting and leading us through those times too.  

So you think you want to adopt?   Roll up your sleeves and prepare yourself for the ride of your life.  For the marathon of your life!  We aren't done with it yet, but even now I see a path filled with unexpected blessings, of joy that would have been missed without adoption.  It isn't the easy path.  The best views are seldom if ever from the easy path!  You have to step off the beaten trail onto the road less traveled, climb the mountains, navigate the obstacles and trust God each step of the way.  Along the way He graces you with views, with blessings with peace beyond anything those walking the easy path can even imagine.  

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