Thursday, June 9, 2011

Shhhhhhhhhh Don't tell anyone.....

My husband and I are sneaking off ALL day ALL by ourselves! I even have a child monitor ask and she accepted.  She is going to hang out here and oversee life.   They all KNOW what is right and wrong and as long as there is someone here to watch over them they will do right and not wrong.  

Where you ask are we going.  I  almost am afraid to tell.  Some of you may call the psych. ward on us.   But, some of you know we are already certifiable and will just shrug.   We are going to an adoption matching party near Austin.  

We got a notice about it then it was followed by a notice saying it wasn't for everyone you had to be invited by your case worker.   :) not a problem!  I fwd. the email to our case worker and said, "How do we do this?"   She had NO clue, but she did figure it out and we did get the invite.  So off we go.....

No we haven't been matched with a child or children.  We don't even have any specific children on radar.  Now if it was another region I do have some on radar.  I do not have the sibling group of 8 on radar!  It did cross my mind, but oldest is 10 and there are 8 of them.   That blip on the radar lasted about 5 seconds.  

Why are we considering adopting again?  My first answer is "Why not?"  Beyond that as I pray and seek God on what we are to do with our life, is it meant to be work x number of years, retire and spend all your savings, or does He want us to leave something positive behind?  I just look on the TARE site and see all the need out there.  I think of having no one to call mom and dad when you are 20, or 30.  No one to share the good news and the bad news of your adult life with.   I know I can't be there for them all.  I know that some of them don't even want what we offer.  S proved that.   :)  But even with the tears and the sadness of her leaving at 18 I don't regret adopting older.  I know these 5 at home will bring me many more tears.  I know they won't always make the choices I want, or even healthy choices.   I also know that what we do does make a difference in their lives.   Especially in the lives of those that want to receive it.   Even S left here with more skills than she came.  With a better understanding of family.

So we again open our hearts and our lives to the possibility of another child or children.  Someone ask what we were looking for in a child?   Simple answer is, "A child that will mesh."   So join with us in praying that if it is to be, it will be, that God will give us eyes to see and the heart to receive His direction on this.   We don't want just any child, (OK, I do, but know just any child won't work.)  We want the child God wants for us, if He even wants this to happen again.  Each child has their own version of what they want.  D9 wants a boy his age to play with.  T wants a girl with her skin color, D12 hasn't really said.  MN wants a girl her age that likes reading, writing and God and would be a buddy.  MJ hasn't really said.  What I see and the kids agree the down side is that we will have CPS back in our home/lives for 6 + months. 

Yes, I know there are no guarantees that we will be there when the kids are 30 or even 20, but life doesn't come with guarantees.   I just know as I seek God on the good days and the bad days about adoption my heart doesn't change.  I have come to the conclusion that children are going to have issues if we adopt again or if we don't.  We will deal with each issue as it comes up.  It is much like waiting to even have children until you are "ready".  It just doesn't happen like that. 

Keep this Saturday in prayer for us and keep this journey in prayer as we seek God and listen for His direction. 

One of my favorite lines out of a song is, "It's not what you take when you leave this world behind you,

It's what you leave behind you when you go." from Three Wooden Crosses.  This rings so true with me!

No comments: