Tuesday, January 3, 2012

My DD rough start to a New Year

Not sure what her cat got into or what happened, but he was sick right before New Years and New Years morning he was dead.   After she and I cried together about 5 AM, she dried her tears and wrote this poem and posted it on her FB group.   I "borrowed it"
A New Day

If life seems at its lowest ebb,
... Because a day's gone wrong.
Let not your heart be troubled,
... For a new day soon will dawn

And we can never be quite sure,
Just what it has in store.
Since each one is so different,
Than the one just gone before

As it penetrates the darkness,
With its soft and tranquil beams.
It calms even the most restless soul,
And brings new hopes and dreams

So when a days been troubled,
And the night is dark and long.
Lift up your fallen spirits,
For a new day soon will dawn

 I committed on it, just how she sat down and in her grief she wrote so beautifully.   She responded with this, made me cry.  
 "I love you too mom! I am so glad I am your daughter and that you spent 7 years working with me so I can be the girl I am today!"
I know the journey she has walked to be able to grieve over her cat.  The journey that allows her heart to be hurt by loving something.   The walls she has struggled first to put up just to survive, now she is tearing down to LIVE, and to LIVE life to the fullest.   

Later New Years day she wrote this on her FB:

Today... I start a New Year... A new year that will have new joys... new begginings... new oppurtunites... another chance to breathe and live my life... to thank God each passing day... hour... minute... second... year. I will have new sorrows. New pain. New grief. I will grow stronger each passing day as I leave my past behind me. The loved ones I have lost... I move forward and leave them behind. I hang on to the truth that I will see them again. All of the cats... dogs... goats... and any other animal that captures my heart. I will always love them... I would rather have had them once in my life then to never have had them at all.
2012, I will learn that it is okay to cry... cry and cry. Cry without shame, because God hold my every tear. I will learn to choose joy. Learn to praise God in my tears. It is hard when I lose something I truly love, and know that they will never feel my hug again, I will never see them in my arms again... they will never feel my kiss again, they will never feel me stroke their fur... That is not until I go home. Which will be awhile.
All I really wanted to say was... Scraunch, I will miss you this year. I love you and I am trying to stay strong. I hope you know that you were my baby, I miss you. Wait for me okay? You were my sweet, daring, troublemaker, silly schoonkiebum! I will always treasure the memories you gave me! You have taught me so many things! (Besides that cat claws hurt!) but you taught me to love. You showed me that it was okay to create a bond. I love you Scraunch, I really pray that where you are in heaven, you will wait for me. I love you schoonkiebum!!!
Love your mama,
P.S Oh I forgot! I will also be sure to bring a roll of toilet paper when I go home to see you. That way you can shred it into millions of pieces in God's bathroom! Then He can see you with the look on your face "Ummm, I am not sure what happened here. But I can explain... I did not tear the toilet paper up and make this huge mess! THe floor just erupted and exploded..." All the while you have a stream of toilet paper in your mouth.

 To say I am proud of her and her journey from angry, hurt little girl into this beautiful compassionate young woman is an understatement.   She amazes me!  She truly has been transformed by God.   She isn't the same little girl we adopted almost 8 years ago.   That child couldn't grieve over anything.  She didn't cry.   She lashed out and hurt others, both people and animals in her pain.   What an amazing journey it has been and still is as I get to be apart of God's hands and feet as He transforms her into a powerful Woman of God.   This post is a tribute to both Him and her.  

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You are both amazing and I love you and your wonderful hearts that God blessed you with. Thank you for sharing this. LH