Monday, January 24, 2011

D & D update

It has been a while since I updated on the boys.   We have had them 13 months now.   I see lots and lots of positive change. 

D9 is struggling still with ODD, (oppositional defiant disorder), but it is loosing the battle.   I started a new "reward" system for him.   ODD children don't usually respond to star charts or rewards.  Their pay off is in pushing buttons and making others crazy.   Our new reward system includes chocolate.  I bought some chocolate nuggets.  When he goes out of his way to push buttons and make people mad we get a reward.  Chocolate!!!!   When he makes it through the whole day without doing the ODD he gets a chocolate.  Several times he has gotten candy.  Today isn't one of those days.   MN brought D9 to me for doing wrong this morning.  It wasn't a big thing, but it was wrong.   He got talked to and fussed at, that was it.  He went straight back in there and tried to get MN in trouble.  He was busted.  He was NOT happy about handing out candy to everyone.   We were all thrilled.  

Last week he decided to tantrum about having to give out candy.  As he raged the Holy Spirit prompted me to gather him in my arms.   This isn't something I have felt led to do until then.  I did laugh as I gathered him up MN quickly grabbed his glasses.  She then took mine for me.   I "wrapped" him in my arms.  Wrapped was his word.   He screamed and fought and I held him.  He yelled and fought and I held him.  I moved to the couch where holding was easier.  Life flowed around us.  I held him and told him he was wanted.  He was loved.  He screamed and yelled he hated it here.  I kissed his cheeks and chin and ears and forehead  and eyes.  He screamed and yelled, "Stop kissing ____ I don't like it."  I would smile and thank him for telling me how much he liked it and that he wanted more of it.   He would scream that wasn't what he said, then repeat what he said, I would again thank him and do it more.   After maybe 45 minutes of this.  (Not long compared to MN's days of being cuddled.) He changed.  The kisses became funny, they became looked fwd to.  He would grin and laugh much like a baby or small child being cuddled and tickled.   This whole time I held him in my arms like a baby.  

Once he stopped fighting and his whole being changed I had him shut his eyes and I prayed for him.  He was still hypervigilant but for him about as relaxed as I had ever saw him.   As I was praying I prayed for the spirit of anxiety to leave him.  He was fighting with his fingers when I prayed that.  He immediately stopped playing with his fingers.  He looked at me and shut his eyes in total relaxation.   He stayed in this position for maybe 5 minutes.  MN and I would look at each other and shrug.  He wasn't asleep, just relaxed.  Kids came through the living room he didn't move, didn't open his eyes.  This was totally out of character.   Finally he opened his eyes looked at MN and I and said, "I was with Jesus.  He and God were talking to me about love.  I am going to go talk to them some more."  With that he shut his eyes again and continued to just be limp in my arms like he was asleep.  I really don't know how long he was like this.  I know my arm was about to break off from holding him.   I sent MN for some chocolate chips and still he rested.  In a bit he opened his eyes.  I really don't think he even knew I had the chocolate chips.  I had him look deeply into my eyes as I fed him one.  Telling him again he is wanted.   Then I would give grandson one, then me then again looking into my eyes I would feed him one.  We did this for about 1/2 cup of chocolate chips.   Grandson was in heaven!  

Once this was done he seemed and still seems calmer.  Yes, he still gets in trouble, but it is different.  He is less figity than he was.   Even at church yesterday, at a REAL brick and mortar church, he sat beside me and was calm and VERY well mannered the whole time.  Before that situation would have triggered lots of squirming and looking and hand eating and shoe tearing up.   He was very attentive to the speaker.  I finally sat him in my lap so he could see better as he was way to short.  

On the issue of shoes, D9 could tear the toes off of them pealing the sole off in no time.  In frustration instead of buying more shoes I saw his swim shoes and decided he could wear them. Yes, he wore them to church yesterday.   I do not know what the difference is but he stopped fighting his shoes.   He doesn't take them off and on, he doesn't peal the toe.  It is like he isn't wearing shoes.   I am laughing at the fact he may wear swim shoes until he is grown.  I think it must be a sensory issue.  Many kids with issues tear shoes up.   It seems to be a given.  I would suggest those with these issues try swim shoes.   It would be a cheap experiment.   I would love feed back on anyone that does it and how it works/doesn't work. 

One other area of growth I see is D9's handwriting.  When we got him his writing was all over the page, all different sizes, not on lines, very much like early first grade or even late K.  Now using a wide ruled notebook his letters all stay on the line and fit in the lines.  They are still all the same size and fill the space, but hey it is very readable and neat.   I won't fuss. 

Now on to D11.  He is doing great.  He has a few "issues".  One of the biggest is being funny, or not.  Last night as he was in trouble for being "funny" which was very stupid looking for an 11 yo.  God showed me no one had taught him how to interact as an 11 yo.  He is "stuck" at getting attention like a 3-4 yo.  What he was doing would have been funny if grand son had been doing it.   So we talked about proper ways to get someone to interact with you.  He was wanting MN's attention.  So we came up with other ways to be noticed.   I know it will be a process, but just knowing where I need to start with changing this very annoying behaviour is a gift. 

He is very consonances of his responsibilities.  He usually is a day ahead of school.  He does feeders without being told.   This morning I let him baby sit with grand son while we did chores.  He probably watches him better than I do.   Now they are outside playing together.   He got the milk jars and the strainer sit up and ready for the milk once I came in, without being told.  Then when T brought the milk to the house it was "heavy"  he went out to see if he could bring it in.  He did!!!  A few months ago he wouldn't have even tried, much less done it.

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