"May every sight of those in need help urge me
to cry out to God who alone can help."
This weekend I got to see God's hand move in my daughter. It didn't start out praise worthy. She was mad at us and with some prodding and pushing and guessing admitted that she was planning on going back to AR when she turns 18. Of course this is heart breaking to me. We both tried talking to her and she is just not receiving. Finally we give up for the night.
I go to bed praying that God will open her eyes. That she will be loosed from being blinded by satan. I continue to pray this Sunday morning. I am not in a great frame of mind. I do what needs doing but just am not in a chatty mood. Finally I get free where I can go set on the porch in the swing and just have a nice cry and cry out to God. As I am setting she comes out and ask to talk.
She sets down beside me and starts by telling me she is sorry she was ugly the night before. I point out if that's the way she feels, it's the way she feels. I just want truth. As we talk I share that if she had came an said she was joining the military or job corp or peace corp I would be sad and miss her but would tell her it was good. I couldn't do this on her moving back to AR.
She said she didn't know why she wanted to go back. She wants a relationship with her bio mom. I understand that and have never denied her that. I have stopped contact because she isn't strong enough to deal with bio's junk. As we talked what came out is she has this fantasy dream of going back and having our relationship with her bio mom. Mom that will set on the porch swing and swing and listen and care. Mom that has her best interest at heart. .....
Finally I ask her to shut her eyes. Then I ask God to take her and show her what her life would be like if she went back to AR. I just started thank Him for revealing this to her. As I held her hand I watched a ton of very painful emotions flicker across her face. I watched the tears flow. I just kept quietly praying that He would speak truth into her spirit. That He would open her eyes. I bound the devil from interfering with what God wanted her to know. As she sat there the tears flowed. I held her hands but allowed her freedom to feel and see what God was showing her.
When it was done she fell in my arms sobbing. After I held her and allowed her to cry she shared. It was so much a Holy Spirit experience. What God showed her in part were things I had never thought of as arguments against going back. He told her that they didn't want her other than to use her. That since she would be 18 they would involve her in illegal things and when she was caught they would tell her it had been her choice she was 18. They wouldn't try to help her get out of jail, but just go on with their life. He showed her that she was something to be used, not loved. That they wanted her but not for who she is, only for what she could do for them. When she could no longer be of use to them then they wouldn't want her. That her life would be a living Hell if she went back.
It is amazing to see God work. It is amazing to watch as the Holy Spirit speaks into a person. The emotions on the face are so raw and real. I have no idea what else He spoke to her. After we talked she promised she wasn't skipping out on us at 18. She belongs here. I pray that as what happened was soul deep when satan comes along whispering she should go back she can stand strong.
The little girl in her so wants "mama" to nurture her. To be there for her. Sad to say it won't ever happen. We talked about who would she call if she needed to talk, if she needed someone to listen? She didn't even thing twice. She would call me, not bio. Yet, in her dream bio is there for her. Yesterday, she grew, she accepted at some levels that as much as bio does love her, she loves her self more. That as much as she wants to be a mom, she never could get it together to be a mom. The best she can hope for is a relationship that is on her terms with S not trying to get needs met through bio. Bio just can't meet those need, never has been able too. This is a hard sad fact of kids from the system.
She is reading the book, "Three Little Words" now. I am hoping it will help her understand that there can be a relationship, but it won't be the one she dreams off. The lady in the book does have a relationship with her bio, but "MOM" is the lady that adopted her.
So this morning I am praising God that He is faithful! I am thanking Him that He loosed her heart to truth yesterday. That in the pain of seeing a God truth He was there to comfort her and bring her heart to a new level of healing.
Today is a new day! Today maybe we will learn if we will have 5 new kids. Today I walk in faith that if we are to have these children God will open the doors. That all road blocks will be removed and He will bring them to us. I trust Him in knowing what is right. That if these kids are meant to be ours nothing the devil or CPS does will change that. His power and authority will rule. Today I bind satan in any and ever ruling concerning these children and their placement. He has no power or authority over them. I take authority over satan and in the might name of Jesus I bind satan from maniuplating anything, anyone concerning the placement of these children. Today the paper work will be in order. Today the needs of the children will be all that is considered. Satan's games, his attempts to drag the process out, his attempts to steal these children for the kingdom of darkness will stop! I claim these children for God's kingdom today! I claim them away from the powers and principalities of darkens that wants them stuck in foster care and their life on hold while adults play power games over them. I demand in the might name of Jesus the parents reconsider the appeal and drop it. I ask Jesus to come into the parents lives and hearts and transform them and renew them so when the children are older they can have healthy relationships with their bio's. So that the bio's live long enough to see their children again and be proud of them. I thank God for all He is doing in the lives of these kids today! I await phone calls today filled with praise and news. I thank Him for it! Amen
I ask each of you to stand in agreement with me in this prayer!
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