DH finally confronted S last night about leaving. She had again given us the silent treatment all day long. When we got home she again went up stairs and re-organized all her packing. Giving the kids this and that like throwing crumbs. Crumbs that they didn't want or like. They kept bringing it down here going????? I was like if you don't want it, put it in the give away sacks. So they did! One thing was a pretty horse pillow. MN loves anything with horses, yet she said it was given for the wrong reasons and it went straight to the give away sack.
When DH ask if she was planning on leaving she said yes. He told her he agreed to keep her until she was 18 and he would fulfill his promise. I don't know what else was said but she ask to be un-adopted. This was all a nice calm conversation. I wasn't involved in it. I knew I wouldn't be calm. It wasn't said in anger.
I am sad. My heart hearts at the what should have beens. I am more than ready for her to leave if she can't be a part of the family. The sulking is driving me nuts. I feel most sad in that we wanted to offer a young woman a forever home. A home that she could come back to for holidays. A home to bring her kids to visit. An anchor in this wild world. Some where some young woman was cheated out of this because of the games that S has chosen to play. Would we adopt an older teen again? YES! Again, no regrets for what we did, just how it is turning out.
We could use some prayers as those of us stuck at home all day with her are at about the boiling point. Last night as we talked as a family, without S, everyone was expressing frustration and anger. Not so much that she is leaving, they would load her stuff today, but at the attitude and games. As we talked God showed me we have been a covering, a protection for S from Him. Because of our choices and our actions she has been healed of many things. She came on 5+ meds. She has been healed of depression, of ADHD, of nightmares, of allergies, of asthma. She came on meds for all of this stuff, yet now she is on none. Once she steps from under our covering, our protection then her sins will again bring on sickness and disease. This was a time for her to learn. I pray she learned, but in honesty don't think she learned a thing.
I honor my husband in fulfilling his promise to keep her until she is 18. At this point I don't want to. That is sad I know. Am I angry? I have ask my self that many times. At times, yes, most of the time, no just sad that dreams didn't turn out the way we dreamed. I am frustrated and fed up with the games. I don't play games well. I hate games. I can't imagine playing a game for 18 months!
This 18 months hasn't been terribly hard. She is so shallow and compliant she just transforms into what ever the people around her want her to be. Yet, in 18 months there has been no trust built. I wouldn't dream of leaving her alone here at the house. I wouldn't dream of trusting her alone with my grandchildren. She has never learned to drive. She has really learned very little. She just exist. What a sad life! My heart does hurt for her. I pray that some of what she saw modeled here rubbed off. That she can be a parent. I'm sure she will be within a year or so unless she isn't fertile.